Auld Lang Syne
by fawkesfeathers
Summary: After the events in 'Visions', Snape, Sirius and Harry have to figure what they mean to each other. Returning to a normal life may be more difficult than they expected, but they all need to get their act together before Voldemort gets the elixir of life. This story is a sequel to Visions of Sugarplums.
1. Where Do We Go From Here?

Some people live their entire life without regrets. They do the right thing, forgive themselves for their rare mistake, and live a life they are genuinely proud of. Severus Snape was not one of those men. In fact, he was the opposite. Regrets defined his life.

There was the time he had stood stock still in the corner and watched his Father break his Mother's nose; the time called Lily a mudblood; the time he had crawled further and further in to the dark side until he had crawled far enough to kiss Voldemort's robes, delivering that final, horrible property that ended in Lily's death. He had done things, terrible things. He wasn't naive enough to expect forgiveness for them, from himself, or anyone.

In fact, right now, Severus was dwelling on his latest regret. He was alone, staring at the opposite wall of the dungeon as a cauldron full of red, Pepper-Up potion simmered beside him. As a rule, he was as careful controlling his emotions in public as he was in private, but at this moment, alone in the dungeon, the inscrutability had slipped. Anyone who poked in their head in the room would have found Snape slumped forward, staring at the wall, his forehead wrinkled in confusion, his thin lips pursed as shadows danced across his black eyes.

The problem was Harry Potter. The problem was always Harry Potter. Actually, the problem was Dumbledore and the fact that his carefully placed wards had not prevented a Ghangzou from slinking into the school from the Forbidden Forest. The problem was also Professor Flitwick, who insisted that the star on top of the tree be garish and coated with Evershine serum. If Flitwick hadn't made Harry come down to the dungeons, Severus wouldn't have been too petrified at seeing Harry and a deadly monster to act and he would have killed the Ghangzou and neither he nor Harry would have been pulled into that alternate universe where everything was different.

With an abrupt huff of annoyance, he got to his feet and walked over to to his desk. An empty sheet of parchment lay waiting for him. He picked up a self-inking quill and allowed it to hover over the parchment. He had tried several times over the past few days to craft a letter to Sirius and Harry excusing himself from Christmas. Every time he tried, a voice he hadn't heard in years would whisper from deep inside of him: Black will think you're a coward; You promised; Harry's feelings might be hurt.

If they hadn't had that vision, things would have stayed the same. Severus never would have gotten Black out of Azkaban. He never would have seen Pauline. He never would have reached out to hug Potter. Most importantly, he never would have seen what could have been. He didn't know what to do, how to act. Not around Potter, not around anyone. It was bad enough that Harry had seen the soft, loyal, compassionate side of Snape, but what was worse was that Severus himself had felt happiness, loyalty and love.

It was like smoking a cigarette after ceasing for 10 years. His heart, which for the last 10 years had done nothing more than beat, now yearned. No matter how much Severus tried to deny it, and he had long ago learned the art of self-denial, he couldn't help but crave that happiness again.

Severus had to make a decision: go or not go. It was well known that Harry's Aunt and Uncle were cool towards him, the boy needed some companionship, some kindness from an adult and Severus had promised Harry "it would be ok". That meant following through on the promise he had made to spend Christmas with the child.

He put the quill down, squared his shoulders and stepped to the fireplace.

"19 Pike Avenue," he said firmly. He tumbled from fireplace to fireplace, the journey doing nothing for his nerves. His feet landed hard in Black's fireplace.

There was a small, but comfortable living room with an old-fashioned green couch and two matching chairs. The living room was bare of decoration but for a Nimbus 2000 that lay against the window and, oddly enough, a flatscreen television that was fixed to the wall. Aside from the roaring fireplace and gas lamps, the living room was empty. There were no sounds of life.

"Black?" Severus called, drawing his wand. The kitchen was empty as well. There were a few dishes and pizza boxes - after years in Azkaban, Severus supposed Black's culinary skills weren't exactly well developed. A kettle sat on the stove, still warm to Severus' touch.

A niggling sense of fear started to brew in his gut. Something was wrong. It was too quiet. There was a loud shriek from the yard and Severus jumped and ran to the window, his wand at the ready.

Harry was cowering behind a tree, howling with laughter as Sirius tried to aim a snowball at him. Quickly, Harry gathered up his own ball of snow and hurled it back at Sirius, who, with a flick of his wand turned it back on Harry's face.

"Hey! No fair!" Harry said, laughing as he brushed the snow off of his face. "No magic!"

"That was a cheap shot," Sirius conceded, not looking the least bit apologetic. Before Sirius could turn, Harry thunked him with another snowball right in middle of the head.

"Oh you are going to pay for that!" Sirius said, chasing Harry across the yard. Both gasped with laughter. They looked different. Severus recognized the changes instantly even though it had only been days since he had seen them.

Harry's clothes were new and they fit him properly. The darkness that had so surrounded Sirius days ago seemed to have lifted, and his face was fuller and healthier.

"We should have a snowball fight on our brooms!" Harry said gasping for breath, still at that age where naked child-like enthusiasm shone threw in unguarded moments.

"That sounds awesome," Sirius said, before smoking Harry in the face with a snowball. "I'm totally going to kick your butt."

"You are not!" Harry yipped, charging up the steps to the kitchen door. He burst into get the brooms, his face flushed with joy and exhilaration. He never noticed the wisps of green smoke hovering over the fireplace logs.

Back at Hogwarts, Severus stepped out of his fireplace into his dungeons. Harry's laughter still ringing in his ears. It no longer made sense to Severus, why he had gone there in the first place. What had he been expecting? Obviously and reasonably Harry preferred the company of his gregarious, funny Godfather. Severus had nothing to offer the boy,. Even if he did, if he had continued to establish a connection with Harry, he would eventually have to explain to the boy why his parents had died.

Harry did not deserve that. Let him be loved. Let him have some to laugh with. Let him have his Godfather. Sirius was clearly more equipped, more willing, to provide what Harry needed anyways. The best way to remain loyal to Lily was for Severus to step away now. Treat the boy more cordially in the future perhaps, but remain on the outskirts.

He walked back to the table and grabbed the quill and sheet of parchment.

_Black,_

_Can't make dinner. Apologies for the late notice._

_Snape._

Severus walked to the owlry and gave the parchment to a squat barn owl. By the time he did so, he no longer even believed he was making a sacrifice on Harry's behalf. It wasn't as though he wanted to provide Harry with anything. The owl flew away and with a sweep of his robes, Severus returned to the dungeons.

Hours later, Black had written him back a surprisingly polite letter saying that he was sorry Severus couldn't make it and wishing him well. A day latter, Black had written him asking if he wanted to go for a drink. Severus had raised his eyebrows and thrown the parchment in the fire with no response.

On the day of New Years Eve, he had received another letter in Sirius' tidy cursive.

_Severus,_

_Harry, Remus and I are going to go to check out the fireworks show in London. We'll be port-keying to Kings Cross at 6. You're welcome to join us._

_Best,_  
_Black_

_ps. I know Harry would like to see you._

It was two sentences, three if you counted the guilt-inducing post-script, but Severus kept reading it over and over again. Why would Sirius make this more difficult? Wasn't he happy to have access to Harry unencumbered? Did he need to rub it in Severus' face for some reason? He ground his teeth together, and crumpled up the letter. If he had thought to look up, he'd have noticed the cloying look of sympathy and disapproval on Dumbledore's face as he observed Severus vanish the letter with his wand.

Severus got up from the table without finishing his meal and headed back down to the dungeons. He didn't know what to do or how to act now. Working out the conflicting feelings was just too much for him.

As Severus was undergoing his crisis of conscience, Harry Potter was happily trotting up the walk towards Hogwarts, completely devoid of any internal conflict.

Christmas with Sirius had been absolutely brilliant. His Godfather had insisted on buying him all new clothes. Despite Harry's protestations, he now had a trunk full of clean, well-fitting, fashionable clothes: thick sweaters, fresh socks and jeans that, for the first time, were not frayed at the bottoms. He had never been particularly vain, but it was nicer than he expected to have clothes that weren't three sizes too big and that looked good.

After the clothes had all been bought - and Sirius did not let Harry spend a Knut of his own money - they had gotten huge ice cream cones and had enjoyed eating them while walking through the snow.

Sirius' Hogsmeade apartment was small and undecorated, his parents had used it for weekend shopping, and Sirius had lived there during the war. Since there was only one bedroom Harry, after some argument from Sirius, had taken the couch. Sirius promised that they'd have another place by summer, and that had been the best part of the entire trip. Not that Harry minded about the small apartment, he would of spent all of next summer on the couch without a word of complaint. It was the fact that Sirius was already making arrangements and plans for summer that included Harry. He wouldn't have to return to the Dursley's! The thought filled Harry with such joy that he wanted to combust with happiness.

Then there was Christmas. For the first time ever, Harry had awoken to a stocking filled to the brim with oranges, chocolates, biscuits and sweets he had never even heard of. As if that wasn't enough, Sirius had also gotten him complete working model of the Cork Crusaders Quidditch side, admitting with slight disapproval it had always been Harry's father's favourite team (Sirius preferred the Pride of Portree), a book entitled Quick Quidditch Tips which Harry found immensely useful, a leather bound sketchbook with a full set of sketching pencils and a book entitled Drawing for Dunces . Harry had looked up a little curiously at this gift, and Sirius had scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably.

"I didn't just want to get you Quidditch stuff, but I didn't really know what else you were into," Sirius had explained. "Your mother - she loved to draw - I thought maybe…" Sirius trailed off and scratched his neck again. Harry wondered if the nervous habit was a hold-over from his days as a dog.

"It's great," Harry had said genuinely, filing away the piece of information about his mother and vaguely wondering if maybe he'd be a good drawer. The Dursleys had never taken him or Dudley to art class. Uncle Vernon firmly believed art was for pansies.

"Thank you," Harry said softly, looking at all his presents. "Thank you for all of this."

It wouldn't have mattered if Sirius did not have a sickle to spend on Christmas presents. It was more than enough to just spend Christmas with someone who wanted to spend time with him. Too embarrassed to say that, Harry shyly took out an elaborately wrapped present from behind the couch.

"What's this?" Sirius has asked as Harry pushed it towards him.

"It's for you," Harry said. He had snuck off for it when Sirius had gone Christmas shopping. Sirius' mouth rounded in surprise.

"You didn't have to do that, kiddo," Sirius said, taking the heavy box. Harry flushed, trying not grin like he always did when Sirius called him kiddo. Sirius unwrapped a complete set of Quidditch balls: Quaffle, Bludgers, a Snitch and beaters' bats. Sirius stared at it in shock for a minute.

"You said yours went missing after Azkaban," Harry said, blushing. The set had been expensive, but he wanted to show Sirius how much this vacation had meant to him.

"This is wonderful, Harry. Thank you," Sirius said, sounding a little choked up. Harry must have imagined it, because Sirius' eyes were dry when he smiled at Harry. "What do you say we give it a go?"

So he and Sirius had spent the rest of the day in the fields surrounding Hogsmeade tossing the Quaffle and racing for the snitch. It was almost better than playing for Gryffindor.

They played Quidditch nearly every day after that, and Harry met Remus, another friend of his parents. He looked older than Sirius, which was odd because Azkaban had put so many years on Sirius' handsome face. Despite his age, his eyes were warm and kind, and when he hugged Sirius both of their eyes had filed with tears. It must be hard, Harry thought, to have thought your friend was guilty of killing your other friend for 10 years.

When Remus turned to Harry, his eyes did not flicker to his scar like everyone else's did. He looked him straight in the eyes.

"I hear you are quite the Quidditch player," Remus said with a grin. Harry grinned back, liking him immediately.

For New Years, they had all gone to London to watch the fireworks explode over Big Ben. They had scooped up the last few seats at an ice cream parlour and as the red, green, and white sparks exploded across the sky at midnight, it felt like a new beginning. As if Sirius had read Harry's mind at that moment, he had slid his arm around the back of his chair and kissed Harry lightly on the temple.

"Happy New Year, kiddo," he said, and for some reason, it made Harry want to cry. No one had ever kissed him before. In fact, no one had ever wished him a Happy New Year before. He did not want to get emotional and ruin the night, so he swallowed down the ball in his throat, took a bite of his chocolate-chip ice cream and smiled.

The only downside was that Snape hadn't come to Christmas or New Years. Harry had hoped that Snape might have written him or at least check on him to make sure he was recovering from the Ghangzou. Harry thought they had left on good terms, and had almost felt a little hurt when the barn owl had dropped off Snape's curt note saying he couldn't come to dinner.

"It's alright," Sirius had said, noticing Harry's face had fallen. "I'm sure he's just busy, or tired. He had a lot more of that venom than you. It'll wipe you right out." Harry had nodded with a smile and resolved not to worry about Snape for the rest of vacation. He had Sirius, expecting Snape seemed selfish, and what would Snape want with him anyways?

"You ok?" Sirius asked, jerking Harry out of his reverie. Harry nodded, pushing away all thoughts of Snape as they climbed the steps to Hogwarts. He felt a twinge of disappointment that Christmas Holidays were ending. Of course, he was excited to see Hermione and Ron and tell them everything that had happened over break, but he had enjoyed spending time with Sirius, and he childishly wanted to have more time with his Godfather.

"This place hasn't changed a bit," muttered Sirius with a smile as his eyes roamed hungrily over the wealth of moving pictures on the wall as they walked towards the Gryffindor common room. Sirius had wanted to see the old Gryffindor dormitories and couldn't stop grinning at the Hogwarts sites.

"This place hasn't changed a bit," muttered Sirius with a smile as his eyes roamed hungrily over the wealth of moving pictures on the wall as they walked towards the Gryffindor common room. They stopped outside the portrait of the Fat Lady, and Harry blanched.

"Fairy Lights?" he asked hopefully, going for the password he had heard before Christmas. The Fat Lady swung forward, and Harry turned to Sirius with a relieved sigh.

"I thought she might have changed it," Harry muttered, but Sirius wasn't really listening to Harry, he was looking around the common room with a deep, nostalgic look Harry was too young to fully appreciate.

"Exactly the same," he muttered again, smiling at Harry. and levitating his trunk up the boys stairwell to their cozy, round dorm. He settled the trunk at the foot of the bed Harry indicated, and they both sat down, a little unwilling to say goodbye.

"Snape's in the dungeons, if you want to see him," Harry said. It was odd to Harry that Snape had been such good friends with James and all the Gryffindors but that neither he nor Sirius seemed all that willing to talk about it. An odd look flashed across Sirius face and he cleared his throat.

"Oh no. I imagine he's getting ready for class tomorrow. I wouldn't want to disturb him," Sirius said. He hesitated for a moment.

"Harry, about Professor Snape…" Sirius trailed off, looking uncomfortable and uncertain of where to begin. "What happened over Christmas, with the Ghangzou…he is quite a private man, Harry, don't go telling everyone what you saw. He won't thank you for that." Harry nodded. He understood Snape to wanting people to know about the Ghangzou. It was an odd feeling, to have lived two different lives, and it was personal.

"I won't," Harry promised, still feeling like Sirius wasn't tell him everything. Sirius grinned and ruffled his hair.

"Alright. I should head off. I just want a word with Dumbledore," he said. "I'll see you at Easter. Perhaps before, I'll try and make it to one of your Quidditch matches." Harry nodded, feeling a little anxious as Sirius got up to go.  
"Sirius," Harry had quickly, before he lost his nerve. "Would you - Do you think maybe - if you want you - could you maybe write to me? Like not all the time or anything just…" Harry trailed off, feeling incredibly stupid as he looked to the ground.

Suddenly, Sirius' knee was in his eye line. Sirius had knelt down in front of him.

"Harry," he said kindly. Harry raised his eyes to look into Sirius'. "I'll write every day."

"You don't -"

"You don't have to respond every day, or at all, but you can expect a letter every day," Sirius said firmly. Before he could stop himself, Harry threw his arms around Sirius' neck. Sirius hugged him back tightly and kissed the top of his head.

"Alright, talk to you later, kiddo," Sirius said getting to his feet. "And be good, but not you know, too good." With that, he winked at Harry and headed down the stairs. Harry lay back on his bed and beamed.

Sirius hesitated at the stone gargoyle, swallowed thickly, took a deep breath.

"Lemon Drops," he said, with as much bravado as he dared, feeling closer to 12 than 32. The Gargoyle swooped down, allowing him to ascend a wooden, rotating staircase to Dumbledore's magnificent office. It was almost the same as Sirius remembered: the sleeping, former headmasters, odd objects, bowls of candy and Dumbledore, who stepped across his office with a smile.

"Sirius! So good to see you my boy. Come, have a seat," he said enthusiastically. Sirius felt a twinge of uncertainty as he did so.

"Care for a holiday drink?" asked Dumbledore, his eyes twinkling as he held up a bottle of Ogden's Firewhiskey. Sirius' raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Uh-"

"Now Sirius, we are no longer Headmaster and student. You are a man now," Dumbledore said, pouring him a drink and sitting down on the other visitor's chair. Hesitantly, Sirius took a drink of fire whiskey.

"I want guardianship," Sirius said, tearing the band-aid off before he could get too nervous. Dumbledore's smile widened.

"I thought you might," he said. "And I have seen you with him, Sirius. James, Lily, they would be so proud, so thankful to you." Sirius felt his cheeks go red, but any pride was swallowed by guilt.

"They'd be more thankful if I had raised him from the start,' Sirius said, looking up at Dumbledore. "Did you see his clothing? I didn't even give those clothes he had to the Goodwill."

"His childhood was less than ideal," Dumbledore admitted with a sigh. "Lily's sister…" Sirius growled, feel a hot, swoop of rage.  
"Broke Lily's heart. She always thought it was her fault. Jealous cow," Sirius snarled. "Petunia that is - not Lily." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled.

"Why Petunia?" Sirius said finally, trying to keep his tone non-confrontational. "Why not any number of families? Remus said he asked the moment Wolfsbane was made available. Harry was only five then." Dumbledore sighed and rested his head on his hands.

"When Harry was a baby, there was the very real concern, that the wrong family would want him for the wrong reasons," Dumbledore said. "An obstacle I should have easily circumvented knowing Lily and James' true friends well, but at the time I admit I was shaken in my own abilities to tell good from evil. Your supposed betrayal of James and Lily was such a shock. If I couldn't trust you…" Dumbledore trailed off.

"Then of course, there were the blood wards. Lily's sacrifice allowed Petunia to give Harry incredible protection, and Deatheaters of course were still after him," Dumbledore said. "After the attack on the Longbottoms, it became very clear to me that however much I valued Harry's happiness, if I wanted him to survive his childhood, I had to place a premium on his safety and nothing was as powerful as those blood wards." Dumbledore sighed and looked down at his hands, looking a hundred years old.

"I went to check-in on Harry. I had relied on Arabella Figg until then, but - well - you know how Remus is with children. If I was going to deny Harry that, I needed to see for myself," Dumbledore continued. "I suppose I was hoping that I would find Harry doted on by his Aunt and Uncle. I hoped to be able to say to Remus that it would be cruel to ask a woman to raise her sister's child, have her love him, then take that child away."

"I had promised Petunia I would not be dropping in with wizards. She didn't like magic, you see," Dumbledore continued in a voice so low Sirius had to lean in to hear. "I slipped in at night invisible. It was dinner-time. The family was seated at dinner - and by the family I mean Dudley, Petunia and Vernon. Harry was nowhere to be seen. I figured he was ill or perhaps with a friend. I cast a hominum revelio charm just to be sure." Dumbledore stopped and took a drink.

"I found him in this tiny cupboard under the stairs. I opened it. He was playing quietly with a broken soldier, I believe I frightened him. He just stared at me with those eyes," Dumbledore said softly. "There was an apple core and a half-eaten slice of cheese on the table: his dinner. It seems that his accidental magic had turned the family against him. "

Dumbledore stopped again, and Sirius closed his eyes. He remembered so clearly the day James and Lily had brought Harry home from the hospital.

"He looks just like my Dad," James said. He was holding the baby a little rigidly, as though he was scared to drop him. Sirius looked over at the sleeping baby. The black hair and chubby cheeks looked nothing like Harry Potter, but James was still stinging from losing his father 8 months earlier.

"We're naming him Harry, after him" James said softly, smiling down at the baby. Sirius had never seen that look in James' eyes, not even when he looked at Lily. Then there was a little fear.

"Merlin, he is so tiny," James whispered, holding Harry closer to his chest.

"Prongs," Sirius said gently. "We're going to keep him safe. He's going to be alright, ok?" James smiled, believing him.

The thought of James and Lily's child, hungry in a cupboard gave Sirius a jolt to the stomach. If his parents had lived - if his Godfather hadn't been so stupid - he never would have wanted for food, for comfort.

"I stepped into his little cupboard, I cleaned it, put charms on the cleaning products so he couldn't get into them. Then he asked me - he asked me if I was an angel," Dumbledore said with a laugh.

"So I fixed his little soldier, took him in my lap and I told him the story of Babbity Rabbity and he fell asleep right there against my chest, and I thought: I could walk out of here and give this sweet, little boy to someone who would move mountains to keep him happy. But he was fed and he was safe."

"Remus is a strong wizard, but he would be no competition for Voldemort. And I suppose the tiniest part of me did not think that you betraying James made sense. What if Remus was somehow at fault? I just wanted him to be safe. I tucked Harry in, and I came back. I told Remus that the boy was safe, happy, that it would cruel to take him from his Aunt after five years. And Remus, being the good man that he is, broke his own heart and stepped aside thinking that he was giving Harry a Mother and a Father, that the child would not have to be shamed by his association with a werewolf. And Harry grew, safe but unloved, ill-treated, lonely and sad. Did I make the right decision? To this day I do not know."

Dumbledore stopped speaking and hung his head, as though he was waiting for Sirius' verdict. Had Dumbledore made a mistake? Sirius was , Sirius reached over and touched Dumbledore's wrinkled hand.

"You did your best. You did your best with an impossible situation," Sirius said. Dumbledore looked up, tears shining in his eyes. Sirius thought that petty emotion was something that Dumbledore was above. Dumbledore turned his wrinkled hand to grasp Sirius' scarred one.

"I am so sorry. So sorry I did not uncover the truth," Dumbledore whispered fiercely. "You have suffered so much, in ways you never deserved." Sirius looked up into Dumbledore's fierce blue eyes, feeling a little taken aback at the intimacy.

"If you and Harry can find some happiness together, perhaps some of my mistakes will fade," Dumbledore said with a smile.

"You aren't responsible for everyone and everything," Sirius said after a moment, feeling the need to offer some form of comfort to his old Headmaster. "You're only human. If you need my forgiveness, you have it, but this mess…this has always been my fault." Dumbledore smiled, then straightened up, his old wisdom and majesty falling back over him.

"My only stipulation to guardianship is this," Dumbledore said gently. "Grimmauld Place. The wards there are not blood wards, but between them and you, considering Voldemort has shown no signs of returning, I am certain Harry will be safe."

It was a stipulation Sirius had known in his heart. When he had told Harry of a bigger house, he had been speaking of Grimmauld Place, his birthright. Still, whenever he thought of that house, he could only recall the way his nose felt when it broke against concrete steps, the hatred in his mother's eyes when she had burned him off of the family tapestry, the smell of blood when his father had slammed his head into the doorframe. He shook off those memories.

"Yes, sir," he whispered. He'd go back for Harry. He'd go anywhere for Harry.

"It is your family home now, Sirius," Dumbledore said gently after a moment. "It can be whatever you want it to be." Sirius swallowed and nodded, avoiding Dumbledore's eyes.

"As to guardianship, I will see to the paperwork. Harry knows?" Dumbledore asked.

"I wanted to be sure." Sirius replied. Dumbledore nodded.

"Well, I'm sure his consent won't be an issue," said Dumbledore. "But before you leave, I do have one request." Sirius raised his eyebrows. Dumbledore had just given him Harry. Sirius was willing to do almost anything.

"Severus." Ah.

"I have tried," Sirius said, a little indignantly. He had written letter-after-letter to the man that he frankly didn't care at all for because it had seemed the right thing to do, because a fake James and a fake Lily had fake loved him, and because Sirius had felt so terrible after seeing the stark difference between the two Snapes.

"You have. You have acted with more poise and maturity then I frankly believed you would," Dumbledore said. "All I ask is that you don't stop trying."

"I have some pride," Sirius said indignantly.

"Forget pride," Dumbledore said sharply. "Pride is the worst emotion. It is the mother of shame and the father of fear. Pride is not self-respect. Pride is ego. James Potter's greatest virtue when he grew into a man, was that he was never proud. He would have called Lily every day for a date if he had to."

Sirius squirmed in his chair.

"I am not James," he said softly after a moment. He always knew who the better man was. Dumbledore's eyes softened.

"No. You are you. You are a compassionate, strong, brave man. I am asking you to brave Severus' rejection and vitriol a little longer. You have braved much worse," Dumbledore said softly, a little smile on his face.

Sirius took a deep breath, he usually was happy to agree with whatever Dumbledore suggested, but somehow, instead of yes what came out was "Why?"

Dumbledore looked at him for a moment and Sirius had the distinct impression Dumbledore was sizing him up, determining what buttons to push.

"Severus and you are not that different. Imagine what you would have been like without James' kindness? Without Harry and Catherine Potter?" Dumbledore asked finally. Sirius looked down at his hands.

_A furious 16-year old Sirius yanked his trunk out of the back of the Muggle Taxi. He had just left, just walked out. Blood poured out of his nose, his eye was black and in his minds eye all he saw was his mother, swollen with rage, blasting him off of the tapestry._

_The Potters' large mansion stood, like a beacon in the night ahead of him. He had paid a cab 235 pounds to take him from London to the Potters' house, and now he just stood, uncertain as it peeled away. The door swung open._

_Catherine Potter, short and thin, her black hair streaked with grey came running out of the balcony with her bunny slippers on. Harry, severe-looking with his square-jaw and brush-cut, followed her, and James, confused and gangly, followed him._

_"Sirius, honey," Catherine said nearly skidding to a stop in front of him. She took in his face in her hands and opened her mouth, as though we was going to ask him what was wrong, then closed it again._

_"I'm - I"m sorry I'm here so late," whispered Sirius, remembering it was almost midnight. Catherine blinked at him, then smiled._

_"You're welcome here any time," she said. "Let's go in the house, ok, love? James, put on some tea. Harry, dear, grab Sirius' trunk." James gave Sirius a quick smile and flit back towards the house._

_"Oh, I got it," Sirius said quickly, reaching down to pick it up._

_"I got it, son," Harry said, picking up the heavy trunk with surprising vitality._

_"Could I - would I be able to stay here tonight?" whispered Sirius, feeing incredibly stupid and uncertain. "I - I can call my Uncle tomorrow and -"_

_"Honey," Catherine said firmly, cutting him off. "Honey, you can stay here for as long as you want, ok?" Sirius' throat felt thick and heavy as she wrapped an arm around his shoulders._

_"I'm sorry," he whispered, feeling pathetic as she led him towards the house._

_"Shhhh, don't be sorry, love," she said, adopting a gentle tone she had never used with him before, her hand started to rub circles on his back as they walked into the house. "Everything is going to be fine. We've got everything you need. The guest bedroom is set up, there's a toothbrush, fresh towels…" She continued, her voice almost like a lullaby._

_She walked him across the cheerful entrance to the living room couch even though he was dirty and bloody. She knelt down in front of him and smiled, her hazel eyes kind._

_"We are so glad you thought to come here," she said, cupping his cheek with her cool hand. It was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to him in as long as he could remember, and even though James and Harry were standing at the other end of the living room, a tear slipped down his cheek, followed by another._

_"Oh honey," she whispered, wrapping her arms around him without a hint of hesitation or awkwardness, holding him like his own mother never had. His own mother had just kicked him out of the family. Catherine's arms were warm, and the gentle thumb running across the back of his neck seemed to promise security._

_"She blasted me off," Sirius found himself saying into Catherine's shoulder. "I can't go back there." Later, Sirius would realize that those sentences barely made sense._

_"That's alright," Harry said. Sirius hadn't even realized he had come to sit beside him on the couch. "That's alright, you have a home and a family here. It's going to be ok."_

Where he would Sirius be if Catherine and Harry hadn't taken him in so easily? Sirius had no idea.

"How many times did Catherine and Harry tell you that you were welcome in their home? How many times did James have to beg you to stay with him until you took him up on it?" Dumbledore asked kindly. Sirius swallowed thickly, missing Catherine and Harry deeply all of the sudden.

"I am asking you to do for Severus what James did for you. Keep offering. Keep extending the hand."

"I'm not sure I'm the right person for that job," Sirius said, running a hand through his hair. "I mean after Azkaban I'm - I feel like I'm barely keeping it together, and I need to keep it together for Harry." Sirius looked desperately up at Dumbledore, who looked at him with deep understanding, the typical indulgent twinkle had dulled to a look of deep understanding. Sirius looked down at as lap.

"Sirius," Dumbledore said softly. "Sirius, you are doing a wonderful job, and I do not believe extending Severus friendship and compassion will be the weighty task you are making it out to be."

Sirius quirked his lips at that. It seemed easier to befriend a Hungarian Horntail. Dumbledore smiled back at him, as though reading his mind.

"In fact, it might even benefit you as much as him. I'd also consider it a personal favour," said Dumbledore after a moment."Now, you don't owe me any favours, but maybe this is one favour you owe Severus."

Severus looked up from his hands. Unwelcome intrusive memories flirt into his mind: laughing with James as Severus fell down the stairs, taunting the awkward, rapidly angering teenager with horrible names. Sirius and James had been so arrogant, and Severus with his pale skin, weird obsession with the Dark Arts and his complete isolation had been the perfect target for all their adolescent anger and petty insecurities.

"Alright," Sirius muttered. "I'll do it."

The conversation turned more benign, Christmas, the Ministry, books and soon Sirius excused himself and turned down the hallways to lead himself out of the school building. It was odd being back. He could almost see the ghosts of his former self, James, Remus and Peter running through the hallways, so sure that their futures would be bright.

He thought of Catherine and Harry Potter, they both had been more than kind to him. They had taken him into their family with no reservation. Harry had talked to him sternly about girls and respect and safe sex. Catherine had thrown him a 16th birthday party, complete with a new watch and all his favourite foods. They had taken on the responsibility of being parents to an angry, 15-year old, just because he had needed them.

How did the grandchild of Catherine and Harry - the child of Lily and James - end up neglected in a cupboard when he was born to a family who had been willing to love whomever needed it? Sirius stopped outside the Gryffindor common room. He had never been able to pay the Potter family back for what they had done for him. This was his change, and there was no way he was going to screw it up.

"Fairy Lights," he said to the Fat Lady, who swung forward boredly. Two students who had newly arrived were playing Exploding Snap by the fire gave him an odd sort of look. He smiled at them and trotted up the dormitory stairs to find Harry stretched on his bed in his new jeans fixedly sketching in his journal. His tongue poked out of his mouth a little in concentration.

"Whatch'ya drawing?" Sirius asked, leaning on the doorframe. Harry jumped, a little started, then beamed at him with that wide open smile that, despite all knowledge to the contrary, made the world seem to Sirius to be a good and fair place.

"I'm trying one of the still life exercises. I'm not very good," Harry said sliding off of his bed.

"It'll come with practice," said Sirius. Harry looked at him expectantly, and Sirius reached forward and hugged him.

"I just wanted to say goodbye," Sirius said tightening his arms. "I love you." It was the first time he had said it to Harry, and Sirius had a horrible idea that it might have been the first time the boy heard it at all.

"Love you too," Harry whispered after a moment. Sirius pulled back and smiled at Harry who now looked pale and was looking up at Sirius with no small amount of wonder and confusion. It wouldn't take away 11 years of not hearing it, but it was a start.

"We'll talk soon, kiddo," Sirius said descending the stairs. Azkaban had left a deep hole in his heart and soul, but for the first time in 11 years, something felt right. He had Harry.

XXXXXXX

An hour later Ron and Hermione returned from the Hogwarts express They had been up most of the night as Harry had recounted his Christmas. He left out the mushy stuff: how it had felt when his Dad had held him, the way the smell of his Mother's perfume gave him a feeling of home he had never had before, how Snape had comforted him when he cried, and how his heart leapt when Sirius had told him that he loved him. He did tell them the rest though, and they had gasped with shock at all the right places.

Ron wasn't truly horrified until Harry told him that Snape has been almost like a second father in his Ghangzou world.

"But he's Snape," Ron had said. "How could you parents be friends with him? How could anybody?"

"He was different," Harry said. "He was nice and funny and he -" he was about to say that Snape loved him, but stopped himself short.

"He was friends with my parents, I think when they died it kind of screwed him up," Harry explained lowly.

"So he became bitter and angry," Hermione said, as though it all made sense. "That's really sad." Ron didn't agree verbally, but there was something that looked a bit like sympathy on his face.

"Do you think he'll be different now? In class?" Ron had asked. Harry shrugged, like it was no big deal even though he himself had been mulling that same question over.. He had no idea what to expect from Snape, he wasn't sure anyone did. Harry picked at at a spare piece of thread on Ron's duvet.

Harry wanted things to be different. At the very least it would be nice not be yelled at. At the most - well - it was hard to forget how kind Snape had been in the Ghangzou world, that he had loved Harry, that he had been family.

Harry's concerns weren't at all assuaged upon entering the Great Hall the next morning. Snape, wearing the same black robes and scowl, sat at Dumbledores right, reading the newspaper, looking like nothing had changed. If he felt Harry's gaze, he didn't show it, nor did he look up. It made Harry's gut tighten with apprehension.

"Kippers?" Hermione asked. Harry nodded and accepted the plate though he didn't feel very hungry. Potions was their third class. Were he and Snape going to go back to hating each other?

Ron managed to coax him into a conversation about Quidditch - Harry was much more informed after reading his book from Sirius - and though Ron grumbled a bit about Harry preferring the Cork Crusaders to the Chuddley Cannons, he let it go gracefully enough.  
"They'e cocky, Cork is," Ron said. "And their rough, last season Kleevis McMulch got suspended for breaking his beater's bat of Seamus Doogon's head." Harry was about to respond when the owls swooped in with the morning post. In his concern about Snape, Harry had almost forgotten about Sirius' promise to write him and eagerly looked skyward. Hedwig who had become particularly fond of Sirius and who hadn't returned from hunting in time to head up to the school with Harry swooped towards him, a roll of parchment in her talons.

She settled beside his plate and stuck out her leg.

"Thanks, Hedwig!" Harry said, eagerly undoing the roll.

_Harry,_

_I hope you are excited for classes to start up again and to see Ron and Hermione. It's been too quiet here without you, but I'm going to start fixing up our summer accommodation (yes, it is going to take about four months)! Miss you._

_Love,_  
_Sirius_

It wasn't a long letter, but then again they had spoken mere hours ago, and the tidy cursive still made Harry smile. Thoughts of Snape faded into the background as he folded up the parchment and placed it in his pocket and walked out to Herbology.

Severus had felt Harry's gaze the moment the boy had entered the Great Hall. He always had been keenly aware of his surroundings, even more so where Harry Potter was concerned. Severus hadn't known what to do - was he supposed to wave? nod? It was easier to keep his head down and not acknowledge Harry at all.

That didn't mean he wasn't thinking about Harry though, and like Harry, he was anxiously awaiting Potions class. This was the first time since the Ghangzou he'd be interacting with the students. He was going to keep acting the same or be different. It was like approaching a fork in the road and Severus still didn't know which route he wanted.

A few hours later, Harry walked in, flanked by both Ron and Hermione who both threw him uncertain looks as they entered. Wonderful, Severus thought, Harry told. Briefly, Harry's brilliant green eyes, met Severus'. They reminded Severus of the first time Harry looked at him months earlier: wariness, curiosity, but underneath it all there was a vulnerability and hopefulness on his face.

Suddenly, Severus wasn't scared for himself anymore. He was scared of that look on Harry's face. With a sentence or two - a word considering Severus' verbal alacrity - he could completely destroy Harry. There was no way Severus was ready for that level of responsibility. Severus looked away from Harry's expectant gaze and turned to the board.

"Alright," he said. "Settle down. Let's get started."

"Hey Longbottom…catch!" Draco hissed almost the moment Severus' back was turned. Severus did not have the time to turn around before he heard Neville howl in pain. Draco had thrown several quills from a flaming Hedgehog at Neville. The quills remained hot after they were harvested and, sure enough Neville was staring at his hands, wincing.

"Stupid baby!" Draco said with a laugh.

Severus walked over to Draco's desk, looming over him.

"50 points from Slytherin, Mr. Malfoy," he said. "If you ever flick so much as a beetle eye in this classroom, I will kick you out of this school so fast you will be lucky to get a job serving chilli at the Hog's Head pub."

Draco's eyebrows shot up to his hairline and his jaw drop. Severus had only scolded him once before, and it had been a gentle chastising in private. The boy dropped his eyes to stare at the desk.

"All of you, get back to work," he said, angry he had just taken points from his own house. He walked over to where Neville was still nursing his hands, not daring to look up at Snape.

"Longbottom, come here," Snape ordered. Neville got out of his seat and slowly walked over to Severus, his shoulders hunched in defeat. There was something about the walk that hit Severus the wrong way and he frowned at the child, trying to figure out what it was. Then he realized what it was. Neville was walking towards Severus the way Severus walked towards his father when his father had taken the belt off and was fixing to whip him. Surely, Severus hadn't been that bad.

"Longbottom, next time perhaps it would be better not to mindlessly catch whatever is thrown at you," Severus said, pulling a small jar of burn salve out of his desk drawer. The boy flushed further, and nodded at the floor.

"Yes, sir," he whispered. For the first time, Neville raised his eyes to meet Severus'. His brown eyes were red-rimmed and moist. For some reason, that made Severus' gut clench.

"Show me your hands," Severus said. Burns from a flaming hedgehog quills were more annoying than anything and the shaking fingers, Neville extended towards him were only slightly red. Severus smoothed some of the cream on Neville's hand.

"Listening to children like Malfoy will do nothing for you," Severus said, almost taking himself by surprise. Neville blinked at him in surprise then nodded.

"Yes, sir," he said. Severus wrapped a small piece of gauze around the boy's pudgy hand.

"Alright, go sit down," Severus said. Neville walked back to his seat. Severus could feel both Harry and Draco looking at him curiously. Cursing the stupid Ghangzou, he refused to look up at either of the two boys, and instead settled on drafting tomorrow's lesson with a scowl on his face.

Despite cursing the Ghangzou, there had been something satisfying in protecting Neville. It was even more satisfying the next class when Severus was able to talk Neville through successfully completing a Super Throat Soother solution. Severus, in his way, had inspired a few students before. Those students were almost all Slytherins or Ravenclaws with a strong, natural inclination towards Potions. He was able to enrich the talented, but he had never successfully cultivated talent before. It was oddly satisfying.

So he continued to try it out over the next few weeks, being kinder to the students, like dipping his toe in the water. Soon the students were looking at him oddly, then some of the staff and then people started being nicer to him. Hagrid had waved at him the other day. It was all very odd.

He hadn't tried this out with Harry though, that was much to petrifying. He hadn't meant to ignore Harry completely, but after ignoring him for that first class, it became easier to ignore him, and harder to speak to him. The weeks went by without the two of them so much as making eye contact. The only person who thought anything changed between Severus and Harry was Sirius.

Once or twice a week, after Sirius' owl dropped off a daily missive at Harry's plate, it would swoop to Severus' table with a roll of parchment. They were always the same, casual invitations for tea or beers, as though Severus and Sirius truly were old school friends. Severus assumed that Sirius was only doing this because of Harry.

No letter hinted at the fact Sirius had not received a response, and Severus had an ominous feeling they were going to continue. As if reading his mind, the bird swooped towards him, landed by his pumpkin juice and stuck out his leg. Snape glared at it.

"Is he not getting the message?" he snapped, untying the letter when the bird hopped closer and clicked its beak in disapproval.

_Snape,_

_Hope all is well. Remus is coming into town on Friday. Want join us for a drink?_

_Best,_  
_Sirius_

_ps. You wouldn't happen to know of a potion that could remove a Permanent Sticking Charm, do you? My mother's portrait is driving me 'round the bend. Plus, I have some very ill-advised pictures of bikini-clad woman on the walls I'd rather Harry not see._

Before he could stop himself, Severus snorted, then turned thoughtful. There was an incredibly dangerous, acidic potion that he had heard of once. Without really thinking about it, he turned over the parchment and grabbed a quill out of his pocket.

I believe Acetox - contains powdered bison horn. I will have to look into it further.

Severus was about to write: so be careful but reconsidered.

"Owl, here," he said, to the bird who had decided to sniff around the bacon when he saw Severus reply. He tied the note to the bird's leg and watched as it soared out of the Great Hall. As it turned he frowned, and looked at the table, realizing that he had just replied to Black. If he had kept his head up, he would have noticed Harry looking at him curiously from the Gryffindor table. Still thinking about Acetox, Severus left head table.

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	2. It Never Ends

In times of confusion  
In chaos and pain  
I'm there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame

I'm there through your heart-ache  
I'm there in the storm  
My love I will keep you by my power alone

I don't care where you've fallen or where you have been  
I'll never forsake you  
My love never ends  
It never ends.

\- "Times" Tenth Avenue North

Severus had developed a new habit, one he was not particularly proud of. On Fridays, when he only had his NEWT students in the morning session, he would floo after class to the Ministry of Magic. The lowest floor contained a few eateries and Severus would take a seat at Winking Wugmunk the pub that sat across from the small deli where he had hugged Harry months earlier, and work on class preparation for the next week with a beer.

It was a nice habit. Hamish, the owner, counted him a regular now and was friendly and kept the beers coming while not being annoying. Sometimes, if Severus stayed long enough, Hamish would even give him a free plate of his famous Fish and Chips. But he wasn't there for beer or the Fish and Chips. He was there for the view of Pauline.

Even in the Ghangzou world, he still did not understand how they ended up together. She was beautiful with her shinny, thick hair, golden eyes and lithe, tanned limbs that slid in between tables as she talked to customers. He never dared speak to her. What would he have said if he did? It was more than enough just to see her, to know that she was alive, that he could talk to her if he wanted to. One time, she laughed so loudly, he heard it across he walk and that sound, the best he had ever heard, rang through his head for the rest of the night.

Severus picked at the last of his fries, watching as Pauline picked up discarded plates from one of the tables. She had looked exceptionally beautiful today, and being at the bar seemed to be an implicit excuse to avoid the drink invitation Sirius had sent him, so he had stayed longer than usual.

A glance at his watch told him it was almost 11. He got to his feet, stretched and threw a few galleons on the table.

"Goodnight Hammish," he said with a nod.

"Night Professor. See ya 'round then." Snape walked out of the pub and started to slowly walk toward floo thinking what variations he could make to the Acetox potions. He was intrigued by the challenge of the Permanent Sticking Charm. He hadn't stopped making different formulations in his head.

He qued for the floo wondering whether or not he could increase the bison horn without causing a huge explosion, testing that on Sirius' house might not be such a bad idea.

"Excuse me," said a female voice he had heard one too many times in his dreams. He turned around to gawk at Pauline, who had just qued up behind him. She was there and talking to him. He blinked at her stupidly. She gave him an odd sort of look.

"The floo is available," she said, pointing to the empty grate behind Severus.

"Right. Right, sorry," he said, nearly tripping over his feet as he half-ran into the grate. His heart hammering, he took a pinch of floo powder. He turned around again, awkwardly facing her as he prepared to floo. Her lips were curved upwards.

"Hogwarts, Snape's Quarters," he muttered. A familiar pulling sensation yanked him away from Pauline into the fireplace. He wasn't sure if his stomach and lips were numb from the apparition or from seeing Pauline.

XXxXXxXX

"They're coming," Ron hissed. Anxiously, Harry looked up at the swarm of owls that were slowly descending into the Great Hall. Instantly, he spotted Nugget, Sirius' small tawny owl. Sirius kept his promise to write every day, and occasionally, he would also send up a box of candies and chocolates. He typically did this on Friday - as a congratulations for getting through another week of classes - or Monday as consolation that the weekend was over. Sure enough, Nugget was flying lop-sided, straining with the effort of holding the box up.

As excited as Harry was for Sirius' letter, he was looking for another letter and another bird. Behind Nugget, Hedwig was gracefully floating towards the Gryffindor table. Both birds landed in front of Harry with a crash. Hedwig, who had seen Nugget's constant presence at Harry's breakfast as the worst sort of betrayal, almost landed immediately on Harry's breakfast plate in her effort to deliver her letter first. Quickly, Harry took the letter from Hedwig's leg and started to read.

Nugget, used to getting a much more enthusiastic welcome from Harry, snapped his beak at Hedwig and shuffled towards her, holding his leg out for Harry.

"Charlie says he can take Norbert. Tonight." Harry said with relief, holding a piece of toast out for Hedwig. She took it gracefully. For the past few weeks, Hagrid had been raising a dragon in his wooden hut. This problem had overwhelmed all Harry's other concerns about Snape and Nicholas Flammel because Draco had spotted the dragon in Hagrid's house and was now certainly going to get Hagrid fired. The only way to save Hagrid's job was to send the dragon away with Charlie, Ron's brother who worked with dragon's in Romania.

Across the room, Draco sneered at him. Harry glared back. Nugget hooted insistently again, shoving his foot towards Harry.

"Alright!" Harry snapped, relieving the owl of the parcel and Sirius' letter. "Get on with it." Looking stung, Nugget flew over to the Professor's table, hooting dolefully. Despite having no letter, he stopped in front of Snape's plate.

Snape scratched the owl's back mindlessly as he continued to read the morning paper. Feeling that this was the sort of treatment he deserved, Nugget rubbed his head affectionately against Snape's forearm, shooting Harry a reproachful look. Harry frowned in confusion, watching at the bird started to eat some of the bacon on Snape's plate.

At first, Snape didn't seem to appreciate Sirius' infrequent letters at all, but now the letters came almost daily and Snape didn't scowl as Nugget came towards him anymore. In fact, the only time Snape had looked at Harry at all this semester was a few days ago when he had looked over when Nugget had flown in, as if he had been expecting a letter.

Harry sighed. He hadn't told Sirius about Snape ignoring him. He didn't want Sirius to get in a fight with Snape, but he still found it strange. Snape was a lot nicer now, to Neville even, but he couldn't even look Harry in the eye. Whatever, it didn't matter. Harry looked away from the Professor's table. He had bigger problems.

"We're going to be late," muttered Harry. He shoved his unread letter from Sirius into his pocket and shoved the rest of the sweets into his school bag.

Herbology and Potions were torture. For once Harry didn't care that the only thing Snape did was nod at his cauldron and write down a mark. He just wanted it to be night so that he could get the stupid dragon away from Hagrid and go back to worry about something simple, like what Fluffy was hiding, or who Nicholas Flammel was.

Harry ate dinner hurriedly with Ron and Hermione, and soon night fell over the castle. Seamus, Neville and Dean were snoring soundly in their beds, but Harry and Ron remained wide-awake.

"Are you ready?" Harry whispered.

"Sure," replied Ron, sounding a little nauseous. Without saying a word, they got out of bed and dressed. Professor McGonogall was on duty patrolling, the hall-ways for wayward students. They would have to be completely silent, and have a strong dose of good-luck, not to be seen. Still, saving Hagrid was worth whatever suspension or detention the Professors could throw at them.

"Good luck," Hermione whispered. She was staying behind to let them back into the common room. They pushed the portrait hole the whole way open so that the Fat Lady couldn't see who was running out and tell on them (though Angelina had told them that the Fat Lady was not allowed to get students into trouble).

The Gryffindor common room was relatively near the school entrance. Ron and Harry simply had to make it down two flights of stairs, a row of classrooms, down the Grand staircase and out through the entrance hall. Since there were few places to hide, they decided to take it as a run.

Harry's stomach was burning with the effort of running by the end of the first staircase. The castle was silent. McGonnogal was in a different part of the castle. With a grin at Ron, Harry bolted through the hall, down the Grand Staircase and out through the front doors.

"Wait," hissed Harry, propping the door open slightly with a large stone.

The night air was bitterly cold, but that didn't slow Harry down. He and Ron ran side-by-side their breaths coming out in hot puffs like racehorses training in the early morning.

"Hagrid!" Harry yelled pounding at the door. Quickly, the door to Hagrid's hut open and they were yanked inside.

"Did anyone see yer?" Hagrid asked anxiously. Looking out the window to the castle.

"Don't think so," Harry said, kneeling over to catch his breath. Norbert was sitting on the kitchen table, a half-charred teddy bear in his cage.

"And Malfoy doesn't know about the Astronomy tower?" Hagrid asked. Ron shook his head.

"No way he can," Ron said, walking over to Norbert. The dragon barred his fangs and blew flames out of his nose.

"Maybe I should take him. I don't want you lot getting in trouble on account of me," Hagrid said, twisting his hands.

"How do you think you can walk around the castle unseen?" Harry asked with a smirk. Hagrid chuckled a little at that.

"What if he's lonely?" Hagrid whimpered, peering into Norbert's cage. Harry sighed.

"Charlie'll make sure he's ok," Ron said, covering the cage with a large, flame retardant cover. Norbert shrieked in disapproval, and Hagrid started to bawl loud, wet tears. Harry tried very hard to be sympathetic, but couldn't hep but feeling that the sooner Norbert was out of their lives, the better they'd all be.

"We've got to go, Hagrid," Harry said, there was 8 minutes to midnight, and the Astronomy tower was a bit of a trek. Hagrid howled and Harry patted him consolingly on the arm.

"I'm sorry, Hagrid," Harry said. "But you know it's better this way." Hagrid gave a great sob then pulled himself together with a brave nod.

"Yea, I know, I know, I just am gonna miss 'im is all," said Hagrid, mopping at his eyes. "You be on your way."

Before Hagrid could change his mind, Harry and Ron grabbed either end of the cage and started to job back to the castle, careful to stay in the shadows.

Quietly as possible, they slid into the entrance hall and eased the door shut behind them.

"Mrrwow," Mrs Norris, skeletal and looking very proud of herself, stared up at them. Ron groaned. She licked her lips and darted up the stairs.

"Come on, quick," Harry said, his heart pounding fast. "We've got to get up to the tower before Flitch."

The entrance to the Astronomy tower was on the opposite side of the castle. It was a race against time and Norbert's cage was heavy with the weight of the shuffling dragon. By the time they reached the entrance, Harry's lungs were burning, and each stair up impossible. Still, the Astronomy Tower was quiet, Harry doubted the teacher's bothered to patrol it during night. They managed to reach the top of the tower and both he and Ron let out a breath of thanks.

Harry checked his watch: 12:01, and peered out the window. Two small dark figures were approaching on broomsticks.

"That's Charlie, alright," Ron said, squinting at them. Sure enough the moment they landed, Harry could see the bright red Weasley hair and freckles. He was shorter, only as tall as Ron, and strong-looking. His friend Ned was tall and thin.

"Hey little bro," Charlie said, grinning at Ron. Ron grinned as well and quickly ran over to embrace his brother. The rest of them quickly shook hands and exchanged greetings

"I can't believe you got yourself a dragon," Charlie said, hooking the cage between him and his friend.

"Careful on the way back. Don't want Mom catching on to what you've done," Charlie said.

"Avoid that damn cat," Ned offered. With that, they kick off the ground and flew into the distance.

"He sounded impressed, didn't he?" hissed Ron as they stumbled back down the stairs. Harry couldn't help but notice that being the youngest of so many brothers had made Ron uncertain of his family's love and approval. Personally, Harry didn't get it. One only had to see all the letters Mr and Mrs. Weasley wrote and all the times Ron's brothers had ribbed him to see that he was loved. If Ron wanted to see what it meant to not be loved by your family, he just had to come spend time with Harry and the Dursleys.

Perhaps, Harry thought, when there was no hate to compare love to, one could be uncertain about what love actually was. Regardless of the fact that Ron's belief in his family's disapproval was unsubstantiated by any evidence Harry had, it still had to sting.

"He sounded really impressed, Ron," Harry said with a smile. They slunk along the back way, freezing when they heard footsteps.

"Where are the students, my sweet?" asked Argus. "Malfoy is right isn't he? Harry Potter is out of bed." Harry gasped and looked at Ron. Filtch stood between them and the common room. There was only one thing to do.

"I'm going to make a run for it," whispered Harry. "When I pull Filtch away, you go back to the common room."

"Harry, no!" Ron started to protest.

"He knows I'm out of bed. There is no reason for us to both get in trouble," Harry hissed back. Before Ron could protest any further, he ran sprinting past Mrs. Norris while Filtch's head was turned. The cat hissed and started to chase him.

"Is that him? IS THAT HIM?" Filtch yelled thumping after him as fast as he could. Harry quickly turned a corner and threw himself into the first classroom, praying that Mrs. Norris didn't see him. Gasping, Harry pulled himself away from the door to look at the classroom.

It wasn't really a classroom. It was more of a storeroom. Desks were over-turned and shoved to the side, there were a few, large telescopes pushed on the other side. There were boxes of dust covered books and, at the back, a large, sparkly mirror stood in front of him. It was the only new looking thing in the room. When Harry looked into it, he thought he saw other people standing behind him. He frowned and stepped closer, all thoughts of Filtch out of his head.

The closer he got, the closer the people got, and the clearer their outlines got. Harry's breath sharply and painfully left his lungs. James stood beside him, beaming, holding Grace who waved enthusiastically at Harry. On his other side was his Mother, smiling gently at him, her hands on Amelia's shoulder. Amelia smile shyly, looking up at her mother for confirmation that she was doing the right thing. Behind them was Snape, who had Sirius on his shoulders, and Pauline who held a small baby in her arms and Michael's spare hand. Michael jumped up and down and pointed at Harry while Sirius stuck his tongue out. The elder Sirius stood beside Snape, looking younger and happier with his arm around Remus.

Everyone looked out at Harry with love and fondness. Seeing them again was like having a knife thrust into his stomach. He could almost remember the sound of his Father's voice and the smell of his Mother's perfume.

"Mom," whispered Harry stepping closer to the mirror. "Dad? How is this possible?" He touched the mirror, hoping with all his might he could slide beside them. Ghosts? With a rush of hope, he whipped around and blindly reached behind him to find nothing - nothing at all. Of course, Amelia, Sirius, Gracie never existed at all. They were only hypotheticals. Harry's stomach sank and his eyes filled with tears.

It felt like he had lost that Ghangzou world all over again. The only benefit of not having known his parents before their death was that he never knew how amazing they were, how amazing his life could have been. That had to be taken from him too. Everything ached.

He didn't know what this mirror was, but he knew it was evil. He never wanted to see it again. Shakily, he ran his hand over his face and took a step towards the classroom door. Before he could reach it, the door swung open revealing the two people he wanted to see least in the world: Snape and Filtch.

"AHAH!" Filtch said triumphantly. Snape just stared at Harry, inscrutable.

Thirty minutes later, Harry sat in McGonnogal's room with Snape, Draco, Dumbledore and McGonnogal. They all sat in silence, waiting for god-knows what. A knock on the door broke the silence. Draco grinned to himself, winking at Harry when they made eye contact. Harry didn't care. He wasn't even thinking about stupid things like detention and house points. He was thinking about the mirror. He stole a glance at Snape, who was still avoiding looking at him.

"Come in," Dumbledore said serenely. The door opened, and Sirius burst in, concerned. Harry's stomach sank to the floor. He hadn't considered that they would be calling Sirius.

"Harry? Are you alright?" Sirius asked. Harry nodded. Reality abruptly set in. Detention and house points hardly mattered until Harry realized that they could form a basis for Sirius not wanting him anymore.

"It seems Harry thought it would be great fun to lure Draco Malfoy out of bed to find a dragon," McGonnogal said with thinly veiled anger.

"A dragon?" Sirius said in disbelief.

"The dragon didn't exist," Snape said. "Harry just wanted to get Draco into trouble."

Harry looked up and glared at Snape, fiercely hating him all the sudden. Seeing the Ghangzou version of his family had filled Harry with even more rage and pain. After everything, Snape couldn't even look at Harry.

"Is that true, Harry?" Sirius asked, frowning. Not willing to give away Hagrid, Harry nodded tightly. Sirius kept looking at him.

"50 points each," McGonnogal said. "And two weeks detention." Harry couldn't help but groan.

"Professor!" Malfoy said, looking at Snape for help.

"I couldn't have said it better myself," Snape said, nodding at Professor McGonnogal whose lips twitched.

"Sneaking around the castle is not only not allowed. It is disrespectful, a nuisance and most importantly dangerous," Snape said looking between Harry and Draco. "And this petty feud between you is irksome. Draco, being a tattle-tale is nothing to be proud of." Draco flushed.

"And Harry, trying to lure out a fellow classmate and get them in trouble. Frankly, your Father.."

"Don't you dare talk about my father," Harry shrieked, shocking everyone in the room. Even Dumbledore looked taken aback. Harry was indignant he was being accused of fooling Malfoy, embarrassed that it was happening in front of Sirius and scared that it would result in Sirius kicking him out, and filled with hate for Snape who had never once given Harry the smallest of breaks. How dare Snape bring up his parents after ignoring him for all this time?

Snape's eyes narrowed. Sirius frowned and Harry knew he had thrown away any chance of living with his Godfather.

"10 more points, Mr. Potter," Snape said. His indifference incensed Harry even more.

"You don't have the right to yell at me!" Harry yelled, since he had nothing too lose but more house points. "You are not my Head of House, you aren't my friend and you're not my family! If you h-hate me so much just leave. me. alone." Harry said quickly wiping a tear off of his cheek. He felt like he was about to explode.

"Harry," Sirius said his voice reproachful and frustratingly calm.

"And you are not my father," Harry snapped at Sirius, turning on his heel and storming out of the door before he could see the hatred on Sirius' face.

"Mr. Potter!" Professor McGonnogal said sternly.

"It's alright, Minerva," Harry heard Dumbledore say. "Just let him go for now." Which was what everyone always did.

Tears threatened to spill over Harry's eyes. He couldn't return to the dorm-room and have Ron see him. He ran towards the only living thing he could stand to be in front of right now, Hedwig.

He had ran so much that night that his lungs were burning by the time that he reached the Owlry. He ran both his hands through his hair and grabbed it at the roots. Between the Mirror, Snape and getting in trouble, he felt moments away from completely falling apart. He sank down on a hay-bale trying to catch his breath.

After a moment, his heart slowed, and instead of a crazed rage, he was left with an empty, sick feeling. He looked around for Hedwig, but she was nowhere to be found. Like most of the owls she had gone hunting. Even though it was irrational for him to attribute this to himself, he felt like Hedwig too didn't care about him. He rested his head on his hands.

A few minutes later, there was the sound of footsteps. Harry's stomach sank further. The polished black shoes and jeans were clearly Sirius'. Embarrassed, Harry didn't look up even as the Sirius sat down beside him. Vernon would have belted Harry by now, so that was something, Harry thought bitterly. Sirius' silence was almost worse though. Was it so hard to find the words to kick him out?

After a moment, Sirius arm came up around Harry's shoulders.

"Why don't you tell me the whole story?" Sirius said gently.

"You heard it," Harry said tartly, but he didn't shrug off Sirius' arm.

"You just wanted to get one over on Malfoy?" Sirius prompted. "You wanted to get him into trouble?" Harry shrugged. They sat in silence for a moment, then Sirius gently squeezed Harry's shoulder.

"Well next time, do something that only gets him in trouble, alright?" Sirius said, smiling a little when Harry looked up at him.

"You aren't gonna yell at me?" Harry said, confused. In his experience adults were always mad, about everything. Sirius sighed and looked across the owlry.

"Well, considering what I got up to at school, I think it would be little rich for me to be getting mad at you for luring Malfoy out of bed," Sirius said finally. "My parents got mad at me all of the time, and that didn't change a single thing I did. I don't see why it would be different if I got mad at you."

Harry shrugged and looked across the owlry.

"Perhaps, I should get mad at you about it. I don't know. This is all new for me. But you are eleven years old. The decisions you make, how you treat people now, that is going to determine what sort of man you are going to be. I don't think you want to be the kind of man that is effected by people like Draco," Sirius said after a minute. Harry's stomach squirmed uncomfortably. Somehow, this was worse than yelling.

"Don't get me wrong, I know that I will inevitably have to yell at you about something, but let's not have the first thing be Draco Malfoy. Who cares about Draco Malfoy? If I'm going to yell at you, it's going to be for something good like drug use or playing with fire," Sirius continued. Harry looked at him sharply.

"So, you're still going to let me stay with you?" asked Harry. Sirius blinked, and some emotion Harry didn't recognize flashed across hid face. Feeling stupid for bringing it up, and bracing himself for rejection, Harry looked away.

"You are not some pal I'm letting crash with me," Sirius said softly. "We're family, kiddo. Grimmauld Place is our home. Nothing is ever going to change that."

Harry blinked at Sirius, stunned. Petunia and Vernon had always loved Dudley, and because of how they loved him Harry had assumed that love meant ignoring the other person's faults. He didn't realize it meant loving them in spite of - and because - of those flaws.

"Oh," Harry said softly. "But what if…"

"What if nothing," Sirius said firmly. "Whatever happens, I'm going to be there. No conditions, no exceptions."

Harry blinked at Sirius, who looked absolutely sincere, more sincere than he ever looked. Unconditional love, Harry wasn't sure that even existed. If it did, it had never been extended to him before.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," Harry whispered. Sirius shook his head, his hand still on Harry's hair.

"Completely forgiven, kiddo," whispered Sirius. He leaned forward and kissed Harry on the temple. "As I understand it, you are heading into those wonderful teenage years where you will apparently become a terrible, hormonal rage-monster who yells at me all the time, tells me daily that you hate me, spends all your time locked in your room listening to loud music and piercing things that should never be pierced."

"I don't want to be like that," Harry said earnestly. "Not to you." Sirius chuckled and smiled fondly at Harry.

"It really doesn't sound fun for me either," Sirius said. "So how about this: sometimes you will have to be the kid and yell at me, and sometimes I will have to be the adult and yell at you, but when we don't have to be doing that, how about we try to be friends and talk to each other instead of yell."

"I didn't think that guardians could be friends with their kids," Harry said.

"Yeah? Who says?"

"Dunno," Harry said honestly. He just knew that was the rule.

"Well, what's important to me, is that you are able to talk to me, that we respect each other, and that we enjoy our lives" Sirius said. "I don't care about the rules." Harry let out a tentative smile at that, and Sirius butted him in the shoulder.

"I am worried about you though," said Sirius, "I'm worried about how upset you were, and I'm worried about how you talked to Sev- Professor Snape. I don't want you talking to any Professor like that, but especially not Professor Snape, alright? At the end of the day, after everything with Ghangzou, after what he did for me, he's family. " The prickly agitation Sirius had just so successfully soothed reared up again.

"Family?!" Harry said indignantly. "He hasn't spoken a word to me since the Ghangzou. He's not my family." Sirius look absolutely stunned for a second.

"He hasn't spoken to you? Not at all?" Sirius said, sounding genuinely confused. Harry just shrugged.

"It's not like I care," muttered Harry.

"Really?" Sirius said gently. "Because I think most people in your position would care about that." Harry just shrugged again.

"I get how Snape not talking to you would make it seem like he doesn't care about you," Sirius said thoughtfully. "But it seems to me that if someone can talk to everyone but one person, it's that one person they care about the most."

Harry looked sharply up at Sirius. He had never thought of it that way.

"Anyways, regardless of your relationship with Snape, he's family to me," Sirius said. "And that means you have to treat him with respect, ok? I want you apologize for how you spoke to him tonight." Finally, Harry nodded. He could do that, but he'd be doing it for Sirius, not for Snape.

"Is that what upset you so much earlier?" Sirius asked. Harry swallowed. For a moment, he considered telling Sirius about the mirror, but he couldn't find the words. If he tried to describe it…well he could already feel tears coming to his eyes.

"There was actually a dragon," Harry said, offering another truth instead. Sirius' raised his eyebrows in surprise as Harry told him about Hagrid's hobby. Again, Sirius looked across the room, considering what to say.

"Thank you for telling me the truth," he said. "Now, I know we haven't exactly made rules, but let's go ahead and make one against handling deadly animals."

"Hagrid made sure it was safe," Harry protested quickly, not wanting him to get in trouble.

"I know Hagrid would never mean to put you in danger, but Hagrid gives every one, and more importantly every thing, the benefit of the doubt. An admirable quality most of the time, but your you're not losing life or limb on my watch, ok?" Sirius said. Harry snorted, but nodded in agreement.

"You could have told me," Sirius said. "I would have helped Hagrid."

"You - you would have?" Harry said, surprised at this revelation.

"Of course," Sirius said. "I'm on your side, kiddo, always." Harry nodded and looked down at his hands.

He had never been spoken to like this before. He had never had an adult on his side. They were always the people ignoring him, beating him or yelling at him. After all these years alone, it felt odd to have someone there. Instantly, Harry felt guilty about keeping the mirror to himself after promising Sirius that they would talk to one another.

Harry whispered. He couldn't talk about the mirror, but like the dragon, he could admit another truth.

"I miss my Mom and Dad," whispered Harry. He had never said that before to anyone. The Dursleys point-blank refused to talk about his parents, and other 11-year olds wouldn't understand. It felt too personal to say to anyone else, and even though he knew Sirius knew Harry missed his parents, now that he said it out-loud he felt exposed.

"I know, love. I know," whispered Sirius. "If I could, I'd trade places with them in a heartbeat for you," Harry looked away and brushed a tear off of his cheek.

"Come here," Sirius said softly, pulling Harry's head on to his shoulder. "They loved you so much, you know that? You were their whole world."

This was the type of thing that the, unbeknownst to Harry, the Dursley's were supposed to say to him. No one who knew his parents had told him that his parent's loved him, or shared in his pain. The understanding was too much for Harry.

A few tears slid down Harry's face. Sirius didn't say anything, but his grip on Harry's shoulder tightened as the tears slid from Harry's cheek down to Sirius' collarbone.

"All they wanted was for you to be safe and happy and live just an extraordinary life," Sirius said, stroking down the cow's lick on the back of Harry's head. "So even though it's going to be really hard some days without them, why don't we try and make that happen. For them."

Harry sniffed back some tears and nodded.

"We'll figure it out together, alright, love? I promise." Sirius said, holding out the hand that wasn't around Harry's shoulder. Harry nodded and put his hand in Sirius'.

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	3. Sometimes You Can't Make in on Your Own

Severus sat on his usual stool at his usual bar drinking his usual beer. For once, he wasn't working, he wasn't even staring at Pauline, he was staring into the bottom of his beer glass. As though the amber liquid was a pensive, Severus could see the past night playing out like a film.

For better-or-worse Heads of Houses' were responsible for the welfare of the students in their house. Although Severus recognized that he wasn't the first person many parents would choose to leave their child with, he did take his responsibility to act in loco parentis seriously. Consequently, it had not been the first time that he had been woken up in the middle of the night by the on-duty Professor.

Occasionally it was scary: a student was sick, distraught, or otherwise in danger. Mostly it was just annoying: chastising students for sneaking out indulge their hormones or for coercing the house-elves into giving them free food while wearing a house-coat and trying to look sufficiently disapproving.

When Professor McGonnogal had woken Severus up, he had been fully-annoyed and not the least bit concerned. Draco Malfoy had his good points, but he was a mischievous brat the moment Severus heard about duels and dragons, he knew Draco was just being a pain, and Severus was tired and in no mood to walk the fine-line he always had to walk when he was around Draco.

When he had shlepped to the Transfiguration classroom, it was not just Draco there. There was also Harry, looking somehow miserable, defiant and completely careless all at the same boy's brilliant green eyes had flickered to Severus momentarily, and his face had turned stoney.

Then all those words were said. Severus knew he had not handled the Harry Potter situation with as much grace as he probably should have. Completely not acknowledging Harry's presence was childish and socially awkward at best, cruel at worst. Still, Severus hadn't appreciated that not talking to Harry had actually hurt the child until Harry had yelled at him and ran off.

For a crazy moment, Severus had considered running after him, but the hem of Sirius' robes had already flipped around the door as he chased after the sound of Harry's trainers. Severus had just stood there, feeling stupid.

Thankfully, he hadn't had Harry in class on Friday, and he had been able to distract himself from the whole situation until he arrived at his preferred bar stool. A pint of lager was pushed in front of him.

"Hard day?" Hamish asked. Severus jerked his head up, ready to snap at Hamish for deigning to speak to him while he was brooding. Hamish just smiled down at him from behind his thick-framed glasses. He was just trying to be kind. Severus really wasn't in a position to insult people who took the risk to be kind to him.

Instead of snapping, he tilted his head in acknowledgement of Hamish's statement.

"Ah well, this one's on the house for you then, laddie. Things'll turn around." Hamish gave him a sympathetic smile. Feeling oddly touched at the offer of sympathy Severus smiled tightly and watched Hamish limp back to the far end of the bar to take the order to two new witches who had walked in. With a sigh, Severus took a sip of beer went back to watching Pauline across the street.

The last few times he had watched her, he had thought of her almost as an abstract entity. He was more entranced by the knowledge that she had been his wife than the actual memory of her being his wife. It had hurt too much to draw on the particulars, but now he remembered how secure he felt when she held his hand, how patient and understanding she had been as they talked through issues for hours at a time. Right now, he wanted that Ghangzou Pauline. He wanted to tell her about how hard the last few months had been, how uncertain he was, even how miserable.

"I thought I might find you here," Sirius said from behind him, causing Severus to nearly jump out of his skin.

"Wha -" Severus said stupidly. "What are you doing here?" Sirius slipped on the stool beside him, looking casually handsome in a white collared shirt, black blazer and jeans.

"Do you have Muggle beer or just Wizard?" Sirius asked Hamish, ignoring Severus' question.

"Wide-selection, sir. Pretty much whatever you want, 'long as it ain't too foreign." said Hamish.

"Great. I'll take a Guinness then, please," Sirius said before turning back to Severus. "I finally get my drink." There was a teasing sort of expression on Sirius' face and he looked across the way to where Pauline was taking an order.

"Are you ever going to talk to her?" Sirius asked. "Because there will come a point where this will transition from cute to creepy."

"How did you know where to find me?" Severus said, moving the question away from Pauline.

"I have my sources," Sirius said enigmatically. Which could only mean…

"Dumbledore?" Severus spat out. Sirius just grinned and accepted his drink from Hamish with a soft 'cheers'. Severus had no idea why he was still sitting down instead of leaving Sirius to finish his Guinness alone. They sat in silence for a moment.

"You can expect an apology from Harry," Sirius said. Severus didn't really no what to say to that but a not uncomfortable silence followed.

"You didn't have to do that," Severus said, rolling his eyes.

"Yes I did," Sirius said with a snort. "I'm responsible for making sure he doesn't become some horrible brat huffing doxy eggs behind the Quidditch stands." Severus' lip twitched at that. It seemed that the responsibility was beginning to weigh on Sirius as well.

"Though, when I was giving him his lecture on respecting his teachers, he did bring up something interesting," Sirius continued. "He said you haven't even spoken to him since Christmas break."

"Why is that a surprise?" Severus said. Sirius shrugged and turned his Guinness around in his hands.

"Well, aside from the fact that you're his teacher and another one of my jobs of making sure he has the best education available," Sirius said, "I suppose I thought after the Gangzhou…I thought you wanted to be in his life."

A prickle of embarrassment started to crawl up Severus' neck.

"He has you," Severus said after a moment. "You're giving lectures and writing letters, what does he need me for?" Sirius blinked at him for a moment, then laughed a great bark-like laugh that got the attention of several customers.

"Me?" Sirius said, taking a hearty swig of his beer. "Ah yes, Merlin knows if he has me he is set for life. Me, being a rock-solid role model of moral upstanding citizenry. Why would he need anyone else? Severus I do not have the faintest idea what I am doing. I am probably doing a lot of it wrong, and even if I was June Cleaver people are supposed to have more than one person they can count in their lives. Harry should have siblings, cousins, aunts and uncle and parents to dote on him. He deserves more than just me."

"Well you heard him," Severus said, perhaps a little childishly. "He certainly doesn't want me."

"Severus, I may not know much about kids and parenting and whatever, but I do know this: if a kid is screaming at you for not talking to them, its not because they don't want you around, it's because they do," Sirius said. "But he's 11. Do you remember being 11? He's young, insecure and you're - bloody hell - Severus you're petrifying. You scare me and I'm a grown man. Harry isn't going to bridge the gap between you two. If you want a relationship, you're going to have to take the lead."

"Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't know how!" Severus burst out suddenly. The last months worth of anxiety had been pressing on his stomach like a lead weight. He had had enough. An awkward silence stretched out between himself and Sirius, and he couldn't bring himself to look into Sirius' face.

"You know, I kind of hoped Harry was going to get sick," Sirius said after a moment. "I know that's awful, but I felt like if he had gone through something bad, I'd be there, and I'd be able help. I'd know what to say, and he would know that I love him, and we'd have this connection, you know?" Sirius continued. Severus slowly turned back towards Sirius. "Noone tells you it can be harder when they're all fine."

"But he writes me every day, even when he has nothing really to say, just to fill me in, and that's what he needs, Severus. That's what he want: someone talk to him, an adult to care what he has to say," Sirius said.

They sat in silence as Severus mulled over Sirius' words. He could do that, couldn't he? Listen to Harry talk about his day if he wanted to talk. That didn't sound so hard. Still, he didn't know how to broach that subject with Harry, especially after the last few months.

"Dumbledore and Harry have both said that you've been different…kinder" Sirius said after a long moment. He sounded slightly tentative, like he did not think breaching this subject was a particularly great idea.

"What's that to you?" Severus snapped again, feeling a little defensive as Sirius stepped into the personal.

"I just know that change is hard," Sirius said. "There are about 7 billion people on the planet, and most of those people want to change something about themselves. It's funny, it's so easy to change for the worse. We do it without even thinking about it really, but changing for the better? For some reason it's like stunning a dragon with no wand. It takes commitment, a will to act against our instincts, to be uncomfortable. It's impressive is all."

Sirius pinched the bridge of his nose and threw down enough galleons to cover both their drinks. He looked tired all the sudden.

"Anyways, sorry to intrude," Sirius muttered, starting to get to his feet. For the first time in memory, Severus Snape did not want Sirius to go. There had been a flicker of understanding in his words, and Severus, who for the last month had felt like a man lost in the forest grasped desperately for further direction.

"Hamish, another Guinness, please," Severus said. Hamish nodded and Sirius, half-standing, gave Severus an uncertain look, but lowered himself back into the chair.

"How did you not become a Death Eater?" Severus asked as their next round was put in front of them. It was an intensely personal question, and Sirius blinked in surprise.

"I don't know," Sirius said. "I was never really tempted. Don't get me wrong, I have flaws, but I always liked Muggle stuff. I like TV, I like muggle beer, I like soccer and I love cars. Growing in pure-blood family, that was what was exotic and interesting. My parents - we were never the Brady Bunch, you know. Being like them - it wasn't even something I consciously rebelled from it was just so fundamentally not me. I met James on the train, Remus, Peter. Then James' parents, then Lily and Harry, and I suppose they just always felt more like family to me then the people I shared blood with," Sirius said looking across the way towards the cafe.

"I hated Muggle stuff," Severus said after a moment. "I have hated so much for so long. I don't even know if I can be any different."

"Look, from what I've been told, you were a double agent, you stood up to Voldemort, you are one of the youngest Professors to be published, and you think you can't be nice," Sirius said gently. "Severus, it's really not that hard."

Severus didn't know what to say to that. He couldn't find the words for what he meant. Before he could think of something, the smile on Sirius' face shifted into something darker.

"It is hard to be happy," Sirius agreed finally. His voice was low, as though he was sharing a secret. "I get it. It makes you vulnerable, leaves you open to disappointment, and if you think you can't have it, it's easier to just deny that you ever wanted that happiness to begin with. When I was in Azkaban, I didn't dare hope for a happy life. It would have ended me."

Severus' eyes flickered to Sirius' grey ones. Sirius met his gaze with calm understanding.

Desire was painful. All Severus' life he had desired things: that his father would stop drinking, that his mother would pay attention to him, that Lily would like him, that anyone would like him, that Voldemort would notice how special he was. None of it had ever happened, and sometime after Lily's death, Severus had stopped trying.

Severus looked away from Sirius' overly-understanding expression. There was a moment of silence as both Sirius and Severus took a pull of their beers. Sirius cleared his throat.

"You aren't in prison," Sirius said. "You can have it all. Whatever you want."

Severus looked over to Sirius' warm, grey eyes which were smiling at him. The little bit of understanding was surprisingly helpful.

"What about Harry?" he asked, remembering how the boy had yelled at him.

"Just have a conversation with him," Sirius said. "Ask him for a cup of tea, talk about Quidditch, or potions, or his school day and just keep doing it."

"And what about Pauline?" he asked, not really encoding that he asked Sirius for girl advice. Sirius grinned.

"That - that I can help with,' he said with a laugh. "Come on, let's get another drink." Severus' lips quirked into the beginning of a smile and he nodded. Sirius smiled to himself as well and waved Hamish over for another drink, thinking that - once again - Dumbledore had been correct. After months of Sirius offering his hand, Severus, with fumbling fingers, had finally reached out to take it.

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	4. Chances

Chances are the fascinations  
Chances won't escape from me  
Chances are only what we make them and all I need

\- Chances, Five for Fighting

Severus stood at the entrance to the Winking Wugmump. It was Friday. The day Severus typically skulked off campus for beers and glimpses of Pauline. All parts of his comfortable routine were there. Hamish, in his typical coke-bottle glasses and page-boy cap was wiping down the bar, talking to a red-headed witch. His table by the window was empty. Over Severus' shoulder, he could see Pauline serving cake to a young family in the cafe. Severus' stomach flipped. This time - this time he was going to be different. He straightened up, turned away from the bar and walked over to Pauline's cafe.

In the time it had taken him to walk over, Pauline had going into the back to get a customers order. Severus slipped into an empty table, brought out his book and stared fixedly at it. A chapter and a cappuccino later, he got a whiff of Pauline's perfume.

"You again," she said with a smile that, in Severus' opinion, was all too knowing. Severus closed his book.

"Hello," he said with as much confidence as he could fake. She was holding a piece of peppermint cheesecake and slid it across the table towards him.

"That's for you," she said with a grin.

"You remembered," Severus said, a smile coming across his lips. He didn't remember the last time he had ever willingly smiled at anyone, let alone a beautiful woman.

"I did," she said, giving him a final smile and walking away from the table. Severus' smile turned into a wide grin he had to look down at the table to conceal. He went the next day, the day after that and every day Pauline was there: smiling and talking to him. Severus couldn't remember a better weekend.

Unfortunately for both Harry and Severus, Monday had to come eventually. Harry hadn't come face-to-face with Snape since he had rather rudely and melodramatically told the man to leave him alone. Now he had to apologize. For the first time, Harry was feeling quite cool towards his Godfather.

Grumpily, Harry slid into Potions behind Ron and Hermione. Usually Snape was furiously writing on the board as they filtered in, but this time he was watching them, arms crossed, nodding at the odd student. Harry felt before he saw Snape's eyes swivel towards him, but this time, it was Harry's turn not to make eye contact. He stared resolutely at the cauldron he was setting up.

"Settle down everyone," Snape said to the completely silent class. "As we only have an hour today and your examinations are coming up, we are going to review some of the potions that we have studied earlier in the term. I expect improvements."

With that, Snape tapped the board and the recipe for Drowsiness Draught came up. Neville, whose knowledge of plants and funguses made him adept at potions now that his confidence had increased, started to excitedly pulverize his snake fangs.

'Do remember to cast the appropriate safety charms first," Severus said sternly, laying a hand on Neville's shoulder. "I don't need any of you falling asleep in class."

Neville nodded sheepishly, cast the charms and got to work.

The rest of the lesson - a relatively easy one - passed quickly as everyone worked in silence. The only sound was the hiss of cauldrons, the plop of ingredients being added and Snape's soft voice making comments and corrections. It would almost have been pleasant if Harry's stomach wasn't knotted with nervous anticipation.

Severus nodded with approval at Draco's cauldron then looked into Hermione's. He watched her work for a few minutes, a look of deep concentration on his face. After a moment, Hermione raised her eyes and blushed, uncomfortable with the scrutiny.

"Perfect, Miss Granger," he said. It was the nicest thing Snape had ever said to her and she blushed further.

"Textbook, in fact," he said. "Understanding the principles of potions and being able to brew them correctly are important skills. Skills some of your classmates will struggle to obtain."

His eyes flicked over to Ron's cauldron that was smoking.

"However, what is true understanding entails is being able to use those principles. criticize the methodology and come up with your own recipes and improvements," Snape said. Hermione nodded looking petrified.

"Instead of writing the essay on the effect of moonstones, I would like you to write me an essay about an improvement you would make on any potion we have studied this term. You will then brew your improved potion for me instead of the Forgetfulness Solution we are supposed to brew on Thursday."

Hermione looked like she wanted to protest - the comfort of books and being told what to do was something she had always craved - but Snape continued to stare her down, and she nodded reluctantly. Severus nodded and looked at Harry's cauldron.

"Not bad," Snape said after a moment. "Make sure you don't rush through the steps. The potion needs time to sit." Harry nodded, blushing.

"And Mr. Weasley, what exactly have you done here?" Snape said, sounding slightly annoyed at the disaster in Ron's cauldron.

"Uhhh- " Roan said, flipping through his book to see where he went wrong.

By the the time Snape had straightened out Ron's potions, the bell had sounded and all the students started to pack up their belongings.

"Alright see you all next time. Remember you essay on moonstones is due in the middle of next week. If you write it the night before, I will know. Off you get," Snape said, somehow managing to stare down every student at the same time. Harry's stomach turned again. He had a letter waiting to be sent to Sirius, and he knew he couldn't send it without being able to honestly say that he had made good on his promise to apologize to Snape.

"Go on without me," Harry muttered. Ron and Hermione both threw skeptical looks at Snape, who was now collecting papers off of his desk, but neither were willing to say anything and headed out the door as Harry awkwardly approached Snape.

Severus saw the movement out of the corner of his eye and looked up, half-expecting to find a Slytherin approaching the desk to negotiate a paper extension. It was Harry, approaching as though he was approaching his executioner. The boy took a deep, steadying breath that for some reason made Severus feel a large swell of affection for him.

"I'm so-"

"Perhaps, it would be best for us to just move past the recriminations and apologies," Snape said, cutting off the completely unnecessary apology. He had deserved Harry's anger and upset.

"I won't hold your outburst against you if you don't hold the past weeks against me. I should have spoken to you." Harry looked up at him reluctantly, as though he was trying to find something on Severus' face.

"Did I do something wrong?" he burst out finally. "Were you mad at me?" For the first time since the Ghangzou, Severus truly appreciated how young Harry was. Of course he had blamed himself. Severus, if possible, felt even worse.

"No, nothing at all," Severus said firmly. He sat on the side of his desk and motioned for Harry to do the same on the desk he was standing beside. Harry did so. Severus cleared his throat.

"This may shock you, Potter, but I'm not in the habit of conversing socially with 11-year-olds. I suppose I didn't know where to begin - so not beginning at all was easier. Does that make sense?" Harry nodded, and there was a kind understanding expression on Harry's face that Severus vaguely recognized. With a start, Severus realized he was seeing the Ghangzou James on Harry's sympathetic face. Severus looked away.

"I apologize," Severus said, a little stiffly. "I should have treated you with more consideration, especially after our conversation over Christmas."

Harry blushed a little at that, but couldn't seem to find the words to respond. Severus couldn't blame him.

"It's no big deal," Harry muttered bashfully after a few moments. In Severus' mind it was a big deal. He had let the boy down after offering some form of guidance and security. That was not the sort of man he had ever intended to be. Still, pressing the point would just make Harry more uncomfortable.

"I appreciate your forgiveness," Severus said simply.

"You too," Harry said, offering Snape a small, shy smile. There was another moments of silence. Harry kept looking up at Severus with those big, green eyes. Severus attempted to summon his courage. It wouldn't be so difficult to ask Harry for a cup of tea. Except, Severus had never asked a student to tea before and the words got stuck in his throat.

"I'll see you at detention tonight, Potter," said Severus, chickening out completely. The corners of his Harry's lips twitched upwards. He looked almost pleased at the prospect.

"Yeah, I'll see you tonight, sir," Harry said, turning and leaving the classroom. Harry picked up his bag and walked out of his classroom to go to lunch and, undoubtedly to convince his friends he wasn't eaten alive. Severus smiled at himself and picked the papers off of his desk. Perhaps, Severus thought, this wouldn't be so difficult.

Any ideas of happiness however, were pushed aside for the rest of the day. It was the first meeting of the Order, and as good as it felt thinking about Pauline and reconnecting with Harry, the knowledge of Voldemort and the horcruxes hung over Severus like a thick fog blocking out the sunshine.

Severus sighed and looked at the front door of Grimmauld Place, somewhere he never expected to be. Fighting Voldemort, spying on him, Severus knew that that was coming. Dumbledore had been clear about that. Still, Severus hadn't considered working as a member of a team, surrounded by damn Gryffindors. With another sigh, he climbed the staircase and rang the doorbell.

Something screamed from inside and Severus jumped, his wand at the ready. The door flew open and Sirius, looking harried and surprised, smiled at Severus as the screaming continued.

"Come on in," he said.

"SCUM OF THE EARTH," bellowed a portrait of a very fat, woman who was telling so much she was spitting. "DISGRACE, BLOOD-TRAITOR -BRINGING HALF-BlOOD "

"ENOUGH," Sirius bellowed back, fighting to pull the thick curtains over the portrait.

"I WISH YOU WERE DEAD," she yelled as Sirius yanked the curtain closed.

"I WISH YOU WOULD SHUT THE HELL UP," Sirius yelled finally managing to yank the curtains completely shut. The curtains managed to cull the noise. Sirius brushed a tired hand through his hair.

"Sorry about that, I meant to tell you not to knock," Sirius said "My mother is a little ornery." He motioned Severus further into the house. The house was grand and enormous, but pretty much in shambles. A wall was half-way torn down, old dank carpeting had been pulled up off the staircase, there was a stack of elf's heads sitting on the the bottom most stair. Severus hadn't really thought about what he expected Sirius' house to look like this, but it wasn't this.

Sirius caught Severus' eye and burst out laughing.

"Trust me, I know," he said. They walked into a living room that seemed to have been recently been redone. A fire was crackling warmly in an white, Victorian fireplace and the walls were painted a light, sage green. Large, brown couches and a persian rug dominated the centre of the room and one wall was completely covered in books.

"I'm trying to get the entire place looking nice for when Harry finished school," Sirius said. "This is all I have managed to come up with so far."

Severus had to admit, Sirius had an eye.

"Anything to drink? The others should be here soon," asked Sirius. Severus nodded and a bottle of Ogden's Firewhiskey flew through the air. Sirius poured them both a liberal glass and sunk back into the couch starting to talk animatedly about the house and the Order. Severus nodded along, drinking his fire whiskey quietly.

Remus came in a few minutes later, looking distinctly less shabby than the last time Severus had seen him.

"Afternoon," he said pleasantly, sitting down to listen to Sirius finish debating what type of floor tiles to use in the bathroom. The moment Sirius stood up to answer the door, Remus smirked at Severus.

"I think we need to get him out of the house before he completely goes off the deep-end,' Remus said. Severus just snorted in agreement as Sirius returned with both Moody and Dumbledore in tow.

Severus felt a momentary swoop of displeasure. Sirius, Remus and Dumbledore seemed to all be fine with him, but Severus could tell by the scowl on Moody's face that Moody didn't trust him. Pretending to be oblivious, Dumbledore just beamed at everyone.

"Let's get started shall we," Dumbledore said. Mostly for Moody's benefit, Dumbledore recounted the story of Ghangzou and Sirius' release. Severus couldn't help but notice how dark Sirius' face got at the mention of Peter.

"Well I think it's a little early to be bringing in spies," Moody spat with ill-contained hostility, the moment Dumbledore finished. "Voldemort has not returned. Snape is a liability at this point."

"Alistair," Remus said, somehow adding a warning tone to his voice without actually doing so. Severus just stared back at Moody.

"We can't trust him!" Moody says. Dumbledore opened his mouth, but Moody surprisingly cut him off. "You may be the best damn strategist out there, Dumbledore, but I'm sorry to say it, you're too trusting."

Dumbledore didn't look offended at all, merely amused.

"Don't be sorry. Dissent and criticism is essential for avoiding groupthink," Dumbledore said calmly, as though this was a theoretical discussion. Severus was slightly offended at the idea that Dumbledore thought that trust him could be a result of groupthink and therefore a mistake, but before he could fully formulate that idea, Dumbledore spoke again.

"However, in this case, I am confident in my assessments," he said. "And I won't have anyone's loyalty being questioned." They stared at one another, the energy between them crackling.

"He was a Deatheater!" said Moody.

"Enough," surprisingly it was Sirius who spoke now. He had gotten to his feet. "Don't speak to him like that in my house."

Severus hid his surprise by looking down at the floor.

"If we're all done, I think we should start talking about how we intend to move forward," Remus said after the ugly silence stretched on for another moment.

"Wonderful idea!" Dumbledore said exuberantly. Moody gave a grunt of agreement and both he and Sirius took their seats, glaring at one another. Sirius, Severus figured, still harboured some resentment that the top Auror in the Auror service didn't look further into the deaths of James, Lily and Sirius' subsequent incarceration.

"What Severus has learned from his Ghangzou vision, and what I have confirmed with subsequent investigation, is that Voldemort is using Horcruxes to keep his soul alive." The tension was palpable. Remus mouthed 'horcrux' to himself in surprise and disgust.

"Where are they?" asked Moody after a moment.

"I don't know," Severus said after a moment, a little uncomfortable. He hated talking about the Ghangzou, but it was especially awkward in front of someone who already hated him.

"The Ghangzou directs you to important moments," Severus said softly. "That's how it speeds up time. You feel like you have been there for years, but really you are only living specific moments, like scenes from a movie. I can't remember what I didn't actually live through, just the scenes I actually did."

Moody gave some sot of snort. Sirius ran a hand through is hair.

"I know there are multiple horcruxes," Severus said, in a paltry attempt to offer something of substance.

"I do remember that James and Remus went to Albania and searched for one, but they were unsuccessful, at least on that trip," Severus continued, doing all that he could not to get lost in the memory.

"Well that's a start," Remus said, getting to his feet. "I can start with some of my old contacts there, see if they know anything."

Dumbledore nodded in acquiescence. His hands were steepled thoughtfully in front of his lips.

"I can start searching through old files at the Auror office," Moody offered, finally doing something other than glaring at Severus. "There may be something in there."

Dumbledore gave another nod.

"Alright," Dumbledore said thoughtfully. "That is a good place to start. Sirius, perhaps we can start rounding up some old contacts. Tell them as little as possible. I do not wish to cause panic nor pass secrets onto the wrong person." Sirius nodded.

He didn't ask what he should ask or how to approach the situation like Severus expected him to. He simply was going to figure it out and make it work. Just as he had done with getting over Azkaban, raising Harry and fixing Grimmauld Place. Stalwartness was not a quality Severus had imagined Sirius to be particularly blessed with and he found that he was a little impressed despite himself.

"And me, sir?" Severus asked when Dumbledore looked at though he was about to leave. Dumbledore considered him thoughtfully for a moment.

"For now Severus, I want you on the sidelines," Dumbledore said softly. "There may come a time where we do in fact need someone we can trust to infiltrate Voldemort's inner circle."

The very idea made Severus' gut turned to ice. He could feel Moody looking at him, but he continued to stare fixedly at Dumbledore. After a moment, Severus nodded his acceptance, both of the sidelines and of the role he knew in his gut he would have to play in the future.

"For now, perhaps I could use your considerable brain power as a sounding board for some theories," Dumbledore said, getting to his feet. "And do continue to keep an eye on Harry."

Dumbledore's eyes were sparkling with amusement. Severus nodded. He only had hours until he saw Harry. If he was going to do something, he had to do it then.

Hours later, Harry walked out of the Gryffindor common room and walked down the stone steps to the dungeon. On his way out of the common room he had gotten a few looks of sympathy and 'hang in there' comments from students who knew he had detention with Snape. Harry thanked them and looked appropriately despondent, but truthfully he was a little excited that he was going to actually be able to spend some time with Snape - not that he'd ever admit it to anyone.

The dungeons were cool and Harry could hear the sound of movement from behind Snape's door. Harry knocked on the door and pushed it open at the same time, trying not to look nervous.

"Evening, Potter," Snape said. He smiled at Harry, which was completely new. It was an awkward, tight smile, but Harry appreciated the effort.

"Good evening, sir," Harry said, smiling back.

"Well I don't have anything too strenuous for you," Snape said. "Those jars needs reorganizing and the shelves they are on dusting. That's all."

The fact that Professor Snape wasn't making him personally disembowel toads was a good thing. With a nod, Harry went to the shelf of odd potions ingredients and started to pull them off of the shelf. There silence in the room was companionable. It was still a little weird for Harry that Snape wasn't snapping at him, but every time Harry stole a glance over his shoulder, Snape was scribbling away on the essays he was marking. Harry dusted the shelves and started to alphabetize the neatly labelled potions ingredients, looking with disgust a some of the grosser additions: maggots, fly eyes and dead spiders. Half-way through, he pulled out a completely gross looking bottle of pink jelly without a label.

"Professor Snape, what is this?" asked Harry in disgust. Snape looked up from potion formula he was creating to the jar Harry was holding.

"Jellied frog brains," Severus said casually, turning back to his notes. "Bring it here, I'll label it."

"Gross!" Harry said with that mixture of interest and disgust only pre-teen boys pulled off as he walked it over to the desk. Severus looked up from the label he was writing and smirked at the look on Harry's face. Neatly, Severus stuck the label on the jar. He handed it back to Harry, who wrinkled his nose at the jar.

"You don't have any human parts, do you?" Harry asked, still looking around the different jars with disgust.

"Only the intestines of misbehaving students," Severus replied with mock seriousness. Harry let out a small, shy smile at that, and Severus couldn't help but smile back at him.

"Get back to those jars," Snape said, turning back his papers.

"Yes, sir." The companionable silence returned, broken only by the sound of Snape's pen on the parchment and the clink of glass as Harry organized the jars of ingredients. When the second hour was up, Harry almost felt a twinge of regret.

"Goodnight Professor," Harry said.

"Sleep well, Potter," Snape said with a nod of acknowledgement. "See you tomorrow."

Detention with Snape hadn't exactly been fun - it had been reorganizing potions ingrediants - but the next day Harry found himself looking forward to seeing Snape again. The thought embarrassed him a little - poor Harry so desperate for attention he enjoys detention - so he was careful to complain about it to Ron, Hermione and anyone else who asked. Nevertheless, he arrived at Snape's office at exactly 6pm and knocked on the door with a little twinge of anticipation.

"Come in," Snape called from the other side. He looked as serious and severe as always, but while he didn't exactly smile when he looked up at Harry, he did look a little pleased.

"Good evening, Potter," he said.

"Good evening, sir," Harry replied, a little nervously.

"You have the distinct pleasure of reorganizing the spare classrooms on the second floor tonight," Snape said, "It shouldn't take you too long, when you're finished come back and let me know and you can head back to your common room."

Harry's stomach dropped a little uncomfortably. He thought that he and Snape had had a moment last night, that maybe Snape was secretly enjoying spending time in detention as well. Now, Harry just felt embarrassed and stupid. He nodded quickly and walked up the second floor classrooms.

It wasn't until he actually walked to the second floor that Harry realized he was walking back towards where the creepy mirror was. He hesitated outside the door, but he there was no way he was going to tell Snape he wasn't going to finish his detention tasks. With a sigh, Harry pushed open the door and entered the room.

Fixedly ignoring the mirror. Harry started to organize the variety of old Christmas decorations waiting in a cardboard box. At first, Harry was able to focus on the mind-numbing tasking of untangling lights. After a while though, the thoughts of his mother and father began to take over, and he found himself looking over to the mirror more and more.

Finally, he couldn't resist it anymore and he walked over to stand in front of the mirror. With a blink, his Mother, Father, siblings, Snape, Pauline, Sirius and Remus all appeared smiling at him. Prepared for it this time, Harry grinned as Grace jumped up and down and waved at him. He waved back. When James and Lily looked down at him, their eyes were filed with tears.

"Can you hear me?" Harry asked tentatively. His parents just smiled and continued to stare at him, reminding Harry of a moving photograph. They moved and grinned, but they couldn't hear or see him. Harry sat on the ground in front of the mirror just to keep looking into their happy faces. Harry considered for a moment talking to them, just to see if it would feel anywhere near as good as it did in the Ghangzou world. Before he could, the door opened.

"Harry?" Snape said, pushing open the door. Harry scrambled away from the mirror "Are you - "

Snape stopped abruptly. He had caught his reflection in the mirror and did an almost comical double take. His lips parted slightly in surprise, which Harry had never seen before, as he studied the mirror's reflection. Harry had a brief moment to wonder what Snape was seeing before he cleared his throat, and turned his eyes away from the mirror to look at Harry. There was a moment of silence where Harry was unsure whether or not he was going to be yelled at, then something in Snape's softened.

"Come on," Snape said, his voice gentle. "You've done enough. Let's go have a cup of tea."

The moment Severus took Harry back to his apartment, he started to wish he had thought of something more original than 'tea'. He hadn't been on out flying for years, but at least Harry knew how to fly. He had no idea what he was going to talk to the boy about, certainly not the mirror, but he couldn't just leave him there.

Despite the fact that Harry's wardrobe had markedly improved since Sirius had taken him home over winter break, he had chosen to wear one of his over-sized, well-worn sweaters to do whatever dirty work he was required to do during detention. He had looked so young and sad and so, so lost with his large glasses, pale face and baggy sweatshirt. Severus knew exactly what the child had seen in the mirror and the thought of how similar their visions were made his throat ache with empathy.

Now though, in his functional, neat, but small and sparse apartment, Severus felt decidedly uncomfortable as he joined Harry at the kitchen table with a pot of tea and some biscuits.

"Cream and sugar?" Severus asked, breaking the silence for the first time since he started fussing with the teapot.

"No thank you, sir" Harry said meekly.

"How's your potions essay coming?" Severus asked jumping for the first topic he could think of. Harry blushed as though he had been rebuked.

"It's going well sir, thanks," Harry said. Clearly he hadn't started it. Dead air again. Severus felt extremely stupid. He had nothing in common with Harry. It was different in the Ghangzou world. He had helped raise the boy from when he was a toddler. He and that Harry had years of wiped noses, celebrations, hugs, and shared joy that Severus and this Harry simply didn't have. Plus, Severus doubted even the Ghangzou Harry, at 11 years old, wanted to hang out with his 'Uncle Sev'. What had he been thinking?

"Are you liking Quidditch?" Severus asked, trying to think of something that the boy would be excited about. Harry gulped down his tea in his haste to answer and choked on slightly coughing.

"Yes, sir," he said, blushing at his choking. The silence started again. Severus was grasping for another topic when Harry suddenly spoke.

"D'you know what that mirror is, sir?" Harry asked. Severus could tell that the question had taken a considerable amount of the boy's courage.

"The Mirror of Erised," Severus said, trying to sound blasé. "The inscription on the top of the mirror reads: 'I show not your face but your heart's desire', which, I believe, is an apt description of its function." Severus really did not want to keep talking about the mirror, so he took another sip of tea. Harry looked a little deflated.

"I figured it was something like that," he muttered, turning the teacup around in his hands. "But I thought maybe…" Harry drifted off, but before Severus could think of response, Harry took another deep breath and looked up from his tea to look Severus dead in the eyes.

"Sir, is there a way to talk to the dead?" he asked "I know - I know that magic can't bring them back or anything - but just talking?"

Harry continued to stare at Severus face, almost daring Severus to laugh, or blow him off, demanding to be taken seriously. Severus felt sick sitting there at the table with nothing to offer the child aside from tea and stale biscuits.

"Magic rarely extends to the dead, Potter, and when it does, it almost always brings more pain than solace," Severus said, doing the boy the courtesy of taking the question as seriously and unemotionally as Potter had.

"So no?" Harry said, trying not to sound like he was holding out hope.

"No, Potter. I'm sorry but the dead remain that way," Severus said, pretending not to notice how Harry's face fell.

"Right," Harry said, trying and failing to sound like he didn't really care on way or other. "Just thought I would check."

"Of course," Severus said. He knew it was costing the boy a lot to ask him this sort of question, and Severus was determined to be just as reserved and collected in his responses.

"The magical world is a lot different from the one you grew up in. It's natural to have questions." Harry nodded, still looking miserable.

"Hopefully, Mr. Weasley has been able to give you a feel for the magical world. I imagine he had lots of magic trinkets you hadn't seen before," Snape said, moving the conversation to something lighter. Harry smiled.

"Yeah we've played a ton of Exploding Snap and Gobstones and Wizard's Chess," Harry said enthusiastically. "I'm not very good though. He keeps beating me."

Snape raised his eyebrows at that. An idea coming to his mind.

"Well we can fix that," Snape said, walking over to the bookshelf and taking out his ill-used chessboard. "I happen to be very good at chess."

Harry grinned at him, looking truly excited.

"Really, sir?" Harry said, starting to take out the chess pieces the moment Severus put down the box. Severus nodded, setting up his own pieces.

It became easier after that. Having something to do, something to occupy the back of both of their minds so that there was no room for awkwardness made the conversation flow with ease. They talked about Quidditch, potions and Harry's classmates. Every once in a while, Severus would pipe up with chess tips when he saw Harry was about to make a mistake.

"Are you liking your classes?" Snape asked as he moved his knight out of the way of Harry's bishop. He could check the boy in three moves, but he didn't want to discourage him. Harry took a cookie from the tin on the table.

"Some," Harry said. "I like Charms, Transfiguration, Herbology is ok when we aren't dealing with really gross stuff. Defence Against the Dark Arts is cool and Potion - I'm getting better at." Severus couldn't resist smirking at that.

"I suppose we'll see when I get your essay next week," Snape said. Harry smiled, then moved his rook away from where it was protecting his king to take Severus' rook. It was too stupid of a move for Severus not to pounce on - the boy would never learn otherwise.

"What about History of Magic?" asked Severus taking Harry's rook.

"It's boring," Harry said with a sigh. A little surprised, Snape looked up at this. He imagined History of Magic was something that an 11-year-old boy would love. There were goblin riots, bloody battles, good-and-evil. It had always been one of Severus' favourites.

"I mean it's good, sir," Harry said quickly, taking Severus' surprise as rebuke.

"You really think it's boring?" Snape said, careful to keep his voice neutral. After studying him for a moment, Harry shrugged and nodded.

"Have you learned about the Giant Wars? Or the Mummy Curses?" Snape asked. Harry blinked a little stunned and shrugged.

"Err - " Snape was already on his feet heading towards his massive, crammed bookshelves. He didn't like to alphabetize his books - something about Vampire Hunting touching books about the French Revolution felt icky to him. He preferred a more natural method where books were organized loosely according to subject and what felt right on the shelf. He was very fond of this system, but it took him a few minutes to drag out a single volume for Harry: A Wizards History in Brief.

Harry accepted it skeptically.

"I know the title isn't thrilling, but it's a good read," Severus said. Harry had moved again, a pawn not noticing his King was in danger. With almost a regretful sigh, Snape king'd him.

"Checkmate," he said. Harry groaned then looked back at the book.

"It's close to curfew anyways, you should head to bed," said Severus a little sorry to see the boy go. Harry nodded.

"Thanks for the book," Harry said, as he carefully put the book in with his school books. There was no novels in his bags. Both Lily and James always had a book on hand. It was the only similarity Severus knew existed between the two of them.

"Do you like to read?" Severus asked suddenly. Harry looked up surprised at the question, as though he never really thought about it.

"I guess - I mean my Aunt and Uncle - I didn't have many books growing up, so I guess I don't know. I like the Chronicles of Narnia." Harry said flushing red and looking at his lap. There was an uncomfortable moment where Snape's heart twisted painfully. When he grew up, at least he always had a book to escape into. Depriving Harry of literature seemed almost as bad as being hard with food.

He looked over to his bookcase with a frown. Not much of his literature would be appropriate for an 11-year old. The only thing that might work was a very battered, beloved copy of the Hobbit that his Mother had given him. Before he even consciously made the decision to hand over one of his treasured possessions, he was taking it up off of the shelf.

"Here, try this," Severus muttered. Harry took the book carefully and looked up at Snape, who could tell by the look on his face that Harry knew something treasured was just handed over.

"Alright, thank you, sir," he said carefully tucking the book under his arm.

"And you should be getting to bed. It's almost curfew," Severus said. Harry's face fell slightly, so slightly Severus wouldn't have noticed if he hadn't been looking so hard. He stood up quickly and blushed.

"Right," he muttered. "Sorry, sir. Goodnight."

"One round of chess isn't going to do much for your game though, Potter. We could do this again, if you're willing," Snape said. Harry's face instantly brightened, and Severus thought he might actually feel his heart growing.

"Yeah! That would be great," Harry said, smiling as he walked through Snape's portrait hole.

"Alright then, sleep well, Potter," Snape said, feeling for the first time that he had actually done something that Lily would have been proud of. He frowned. It was the first time in a while he had thought of Lily.

His thoughts had mainly been with Pauline. In the last few days he had undoubtedly gained about five pounds of fat, but Pauline always smiled at him when he came in and even once the polite words were exchanged they would make chit-chat that was both extremely easy and horribly uncomfortable at the same time. Every time she'd whisk away from their conversation to help a customer, Severus would replay their conversation in his head, cursing himself for a stupid joke (even though she had laughed at it) and agonizing over the moments of silence. All-in-all it was stressful experience.

Severus went the next day with a particularly challenging potions problem along with him - Sirius had found a variety of oddly coloured, glowing decanters in Grimmauld Place and had wisely decided not to touch them. Severus was now flipping through tombs of dark potions texts trying to figure out exactly what they were. Although potions textbooks may not have been the most alluring bait for Pauline, they provided an excuse for him to sit there as the crowds thinned.

He smelled Pauline's rose-scented perfume before he saw her and immediately looked up as she removed the coffee cup from his table. She smiled.

"Some light reading?" she asked.

"Something like that," he said, looking around the empty cafe. He has been so engrossed reading about Ancient Potions - the most deadly of which Sirius' mother seemed to have bottled for decoration - that he hadn't noticed that he was the only person left in the cafe until the Pauline approached his table. He felt himself start to blush, not expecting to have found himself alone with her.

"Well, I have a bunch of dishes to do, you're free to stay until I lock up," she said, smiling at him again. God she was beautiful.

"Thank you," he said, taking the fact she was willing to let him stay as evidence she didn't despise his company. She nodded and walked towards the kitchen. Her tight jeans giving him a very appealing view of her behind. Immediately ashamed at himself, Severus whipped back around to focus on his book instead of Pauline's body. _Disgusting leach._

Maybe he could walk her out to the floo afterwards, ask her about the new rose cupcake recipe she was trying, ask her if she needed any test subjects. Severus rolled his eyes at his own lame line.

_"Just kiss her," Sirius had advised while attempting to remove 10 years worth of black mould off of the dining room wall._

_"Dated a lot in Azkaban, did you?" Snape replied sourly. Sirius' jaw dropped in mock offence. _

_"You're a little sassy, you know that?" Sirius said with a laugh, turning back to scrub the wall. "You and Lily would have gotten on well." Sirius was facing the wall not Severus, so he hadn't seen the words wipe the smirk right off of Severus' face. It felt like a punch to the gut. Unlike James, Sirius has paid little attention to Severus or Lily until James had fallen in love with Lily and made accosting Severus his personal life mission. After all these years, Sirius had forgotten who Lily had initially befriended at Hogwarts. _

_"Anyways," Sirius said, jerking Severus out of his morose thought train and pointing the sponge at Severus. "Kiss her. Make it a good one. You don't get a redo on a first kiss."_

Severus looked back at the old pages of his book. Lily. What would Lily think? She had never asked for his undying devotion, nor was she bitter or vengeful enough to hope eternally bind Severus to her memory, but for years Severus had lived with that ache. Remaining loyal to her in death seemed the only way to make up for the tremendous disloyalty he had shown in life.

Severus sighed and closed his book. Pauline had been like an electric shock to his dead battery of a a heart, but some things were simply meant to stay broken. Before he could stand up, there was a loud shriek and the cacophony of broken crockery. Severus jumped to his feet.

"Pauline?" he yelled racing to the back of the kitchen with his wand at the ready.

The kitchen was small and well-used, but clean. One wall was covered with hanging pots, pans and assorted baking supplies and the other was covered by an industrial sized cooling rack and over. In the middle was a sea foam, formica counter top covered in broken dishes, and Pauline who was pushing herself into the counter corners.

"Mouse!" she said, pointing a shaking finger into the corner. Sure enough a mouse was huddled in the corner, peacefully munching, something. Severus' heart declenched somewhat and he raised his arm.

"Avada -" the mouse ran.

"DON"T KILL IT!" she squealed before he could get out the second half of the killing curse. The mouse scurried across the floor towards Pauline who yelped again and jumped up on the counter-tops.

"Incarserous," Severus said, missing the mouse by inches and hitting a cabinet. The cabinet burst open and the mouse froze, staring at Severus with panicked eyes,

"Incarcerous," Severus said again. this time encasing the mouse in a small cage. The mouse squealed indignantly and started to run the length of the cage. Pauline and Severus stared at one another, then she burst out laughing.

"Are you alright?" Severus asked, unable to stop himself from chuckling as well.

"I'm sorry," she said, easing herself away from the kitchen cabinet but still being sure to give the entrapped mouse a wide berth.

"I'm not usually skittish," she said, kneeling down to start to pick up then broken dishes. "But something about mice freak me out."

"It's alright," he said leaning down as well.

"My mother would be so ashamed," she continued with her lilting laugh, taking up a piece of glass with a shaky hand. "Screaming over a mouse. How un-feminist of me. OW!"

The glass had cut her hand deeply and her pale hand and the glass instantly turned red. Without thinking, Severus took her hand in his.

"Accio." A white washcloth flew through the air into Severus' hand. He quickly pressed it against the cut. After a second, the bleeding staunched.

"Alright?" said Severus, a touch awkwardly. They were close together, and when she raised her face to look at him, he could see his reflection in her wide, golden eyes, the tiny cracks in her pale pink lips and the freckles on her dark skin. She nodded. His heart sped up. The smell of her perfume made his head spin. Almost involuntarily, he leaned a little closer. He expected her to move away, but she didn't. She blinked calmly back at him.

Without thinking it through - and Severus always thought everything through - he leaned forward and kissed her. She kissed him back. It made his blood feel carbonated. Between the squealing mouse, broken dishes and grease-streaked stove, the kiss deepened and Severus' heart soared. Just as he was trying to figure out where to put his hands, she reached up and rested her fingers on the back of his neck.

After a moment, they pulled apart. Severus blinked at her. He hadn't kissed someone in years. He had few sexual partners and nothing that could be described as a relationship. He had never been kissed like this. She tasted like sugar, and the thought of her pilfering buttercream icing out of the bowl made him smile.

"Sorry I - " Severus stopped, suddenly feeling horribly creepy. A Pauline might have found a different Severus attractive when he was years younger in a different world and had had his edges smoothed by years of living in James and Lily's loving, happy, welcoming home. This was a different world, a darker one with a darker Severus. What the hell would this Pauline want with him?

She leaned forward and kissed him again, a little softer and quicker. The insecurities floated back into his subconscious where they belonged.

"We should do this again," she said, inches from his overly large nose, she looked over to where the mouse was scrambling around his cage. "Maybe without the mouse next time."

Severus felt himself grin.

"Maybe with dinner?" he added, suddenly bold.

"With dinner sounds good," she replied with a smile.

After that they had got of the floor, kissed again and Severus, unsure of how to do this sort of thing properly, had simply gone home before his head exploded.

For the first time in his life, Severus understood why musicals existed. He felt that the only way he could truly give expression to his feelings would be if he and entire chorus of singers and back-up dancers crafting a routine with him, broke out into song. He had offered to take care of the little mouse that had frightened Pauline, but was feeling exceptionally fond of everything in the world, and had instead got the mouse a larger cage and some cedar shavings.

"Not a bad day, huh Frances?" asked Severus as the mouse explored his new environment. The mouse sniffed his or her little pink nose around the cage. Severus didn't know what the mouse's gender was and didn't care to find out. He simply picked a name that worked for either. The mouse raised its head from the pile of woodchucks. Severus scratched its head with a smirk, it really was a cute little thing.

Severus was basking in his rare moment of bliss when the fire flared green.

"Severus," said Dumbledore, his voice sounding weak and distant and his head did not appear in the fire. "I need your assistance."

With a frown, Severus stopped scratching his new pet and went directly to the fire.

"Headmaster's office," he said, throwing down the powder. He thudded through the fireplaces and landed hard in Dumbledore's office.

Fawkes squawked from his perch. Dumbledore was slumped sideways on his chair. The joy and excitement Severus had felt moments ago crashed down into desperate horror. Severus ran across the room and knelt down beside Dumbledore.

"Professor Dumbledore!" Severus said urgently. The light from the candle on Dumbledore's desk flickered eerily across his face, emphasizing the man's pallor and age.

"Headmaster," Severus said again, relieved to find that Dumbledore was breathing and his pulse, if slow, was still there. Still, he remained unconscious. With the grace and urgency of a child, Severus roughly shook Dumbledore's shoulders.

"Albus!" Severus all but yelled, his heart pounding. Dumbledore slowly opened his blue eyes. For a moment, they were flat and dull, but moments later, the sparkle returned.

"Ah, Severus," Dumbledore rasped, patting Severus' hand fondly. "Thank you for coming."

"What's happened?" Severus asked, raking his eyes over Dumbledore's body for the source of the injury. The moment he did, he saw it: Dumbledore's right hand, grey and shriveled. Without thinking or asking permission, Severus grabbed it in his hands. The veins on Dumbledore's papery hands were the colour of charcoal. It looked like Dumbledore had handled a cursed object, but surely he was too smart for that.

"What did you do?" Severus demanded angrily. If possible his heart sped up even more.

"Something I should not have done," Dumbledore said, looking at his hand with a sigh. Severus waved his wand over the hand, running various diagnostic spells. The Dead Man Walking Curse. A complicated curse even for the most talented witches and wizards it involved a week-long, slow, painful trajectory towards inevitable death. No one had ever survived it.

On the table, beside Dumbledore's hand, was a cracked, hideous ring. Dumbledore followed Severus' eye to it.

"Why would you touch it?" Severus all but spat Dumbledore.

Shockingly, an image popped into Severus' head of himself at 9 years old, walking with his Father while eating an ice cream cone. It was a rare, good moment between the two of them and the day had gone without incident until Severus, focused on the ice cream cone in his hand, had stepped onto the street without looking. His father's large hand had roughly seized Severus by the collar and yanked him backwards just as a car had spun around the corner towards him.

"What the HELL are you doing?" his Father had roared, his face twisted with rage, violence and something Severus couldn't quite distinguish. "You NEVER walk into the street like that again. Do you understand me?"

The day had deteriorated from there. His Father returned to being grumpy and distant and Severus had sulked for the rest of the day. Now though, looking at Dumbledore, Severus understood that the other emotion Severus had seen in his Father's face had been fear.

How could Dumbledore be so cavalier with his life? Did he not understand how much he meant to the war? to Severus? How lost they would all be without him. Severus only wished he could pull Dumbledore back from the ring by the scruff of his neck.

"We need to go to St. Mungos," Severus said, desperately trying not to panic. He cast several complex spells to stop the flow of poisoned blood through the rest of Dumbledore's system.

"No," Dumbledore replied, his voice firm for the first time in their conversation. Severus met his eyes in naked surprise.

"You can contain it here, can you not?" Dumbledore asked calmly.

"I am not a healer!" Severus sputtered indignantly. "You need to be examined by someone who is an expert in curse work. If there is any hope -"

"There is no hope," Dumbledore said with a smile that was disturbingly calm for his situation. He raised and hand and looked at it with mild curiosity.

"As for the person who could brew the remedies that would be able to contain the potion to my hand, I am very confident in your abilities, Severus," Dumbledore said, he blinked tiredly and sank further into his chair.

Severus was about to protest, but he knew Dumbledore too well. If the man has made that decision so firmly, it was for a good reason and his stubborn mind would not be shifted. Arguing about it was wasting time that Dumbledore did not have. Severus nodded curtly and swept back to the fireplace, wondering how, being as used to disappointment and misery as he was, he could be surprised that one of the best days of his life, could turn into one of the worst.

**Please review :)**

**I know it may seem annoying or like it won't matter or like the author will no by psychic connection that you like the story but that's not how it works and I'd really love your thoughts. **

**Be kind, review! ; )**

ps. One person asked why the title was in Irish (or Gaelic, I can't remember what s/he said exactly). It's just because it is the name of the New Years song. So if anyone else was curious about that, they ya go.


	5. I Can Tell THat We'e Going to be Friends

Tonight I'll dream while I'm in bed  
when silly thoughts go through my head  
about the bugs and alphabet  
and when I wake tomorrow I'll bet  
that you and I will walk together again  
I can tell that we are gonna be friends  
Yes I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

...

The crowd roared below Harry as he circled the pitch. The game had been going on for three hours. Even though the sun had almost set, sweat plastered Harry's quidditch robes to his back, and blisters were beginning to form on Harry's fingers. There was still no sign of the snitch.

The fans didn't seem to mind the fact that the game had been going on for hours. In fact, their enthusiastic roars seemed to gain strength as the time went on. Fred smacked one of the bludgers towards Jamie Harrison, the Hufflepuff keeper. The crowd yelled in excitement.

Harry's stomach flipped. Although Harry couldn't tell where, he knew that Sirius also was in the stands. It was the first time Sirius had been able to see Harry play, and Harry was determined to win.

"SPINNET!" Wood yelled. Harry's head jerked up and he watched Alicia, who was bolting towards the Hufflepuff, narrowly avoid the Hufflepuff defence. He pulled up his broom, berating himself for getting distracted.

Then he saw it: a small, glimmer of gold midway down the pitch. He leaned forward on the boron and zoomed towards it with all his might. He could hear Amy Blythe, the Hufflepuff seeker, closing in on him. The wind whipped around him. The crowd cheered. Harry's heart leapt. This was what Harry lived for. Amy was fast and smart, but Harry had a head start and his Nimbus 2000 pulled him ahead. His hand closed around the small, cold ball. The Gryffindor side erupted.

Harry held up the snitch and landed hard on the green pitch. Immediately, he was seized by the other Gryffindor players. It took him 15 minutes to dislodge the other players from him (Oliver kept loudly recounting Harry's capture of the snitch). When he finally got away, he could see see Sirius standing by the gates, beaming at him. Both eager and shy, Harry jogged over to him, Sirius grabbed him in a bone-crushing hug.

"You were so wonderful!" Sirius said pulling back and squeezing Harry's shoulders. Harry ducked his head with an embarrassed grin.

"Your Father would be so proud," said Sirius, giving Harry's shoulders another fond squeeze.

"Really?" asked Harry with a little smile. The win, Sirius' approval the comment about James' pride, it all made Harry beam as they started to walk up to the castle.

"Of course," Sirius said, raising a hand to wave at McGonogal. "He was insane about Quidditch, your Dad. I got you this little toy broomstick. You mother hated that broom. You'd zoom around, get in to all sorts of trouble. You're Dad had to chase you around so you didn't take your head off. He thought it were hilarious and always said you'd be a great player…"

Harry looked up at Sirius who hard trailed off. He looked old again, like he usually did when he spoke of Harry's parents. There was a moment of silence as they trekked up towards the castle. Sirius dropped an arm around Harry's shoulder.

"Anyways, I was wondering if you wanted to come stay with me at Hogsmeade for Easter next weekend?" Sirius said, changing the subject easily.

Easter was one of those holidays that Harry never noticed. The Dursley's had a ham and went to Church - Aunt Petunia in her salmon dress, Uncle Vernon and Dudley besuited beside her like two bodyguards. It just meant a few more chores for Harry. Now that he went to Hogwarts, it meant an extra day off from classes but no significance beyond that. It was nice though, the thought of being able to spend another weekend with Sirius in Hogmeade.

"Yeah!" Harry said, rolling another thought around, a thought that made him feel like he was ratting on Snape.

"Remus is coming too and I thought I'd invite Snape - Professor Snape." Sirius said. Harry nodded.

"Things with Professor Snape are going well?" Sirius asked after a moment.

"Yeah!" Harry said in a voice that was perhaps a little too bright. He hadn't seen Snape outside of class in weeks. When he had asked Snape for another round of chess at the end of potions a few weeks ago, he had just snapped that he was busy and stormed off to his room. Harry knew he didn't mean anything by it. - the next class he had complimented Harry's potions and offered Harry a stained smile. Harry, who was beginning to understand these things, took that to mean that Snape was very sorry - but it was still odd.

"Good," Sirius said brightly, holding the door open for Harry. "Good. You go get changed and celebrate with the rest of your house. I have to go talk to Dumbledore."

Harry nodded and walked up to the common room, but Sirius didn't continue up the stairs toward Dumbledore's office. He walked down to Snape's dungeons.

"You missed the game," Sirius said from the entrance to Snape's dungeons. The room smelled oddly sweet, though still putrid. Two long tables stood on either side of a smoking cauldron. In front of the cauldron stood Snape, his hair pulled back in a ponytail as he observed his concoction carefully.

Severus looked up from his cauldron to stare at Sirius through narrowed, skeptical eyes. Sirius never knew how to respond to that look. Figuring the best defence was a good offence, Sirius smiled.

"What are you doing?" asked Sirius in a would be casual voice.

"Brewing," Severus said shortly, still looking at Sirius as though he was a complex and slightly annoying puzzle. Before Sirius could figure out the right response, or at least one that wouldn't anger Severus, Severus had turned back to his cauldron.

Without trying to be obvious about it, Sirius took a deep breath and counted backwards from five. Patience was not his strong suit. Sirius was typically the one who required patience, not the one who gave it.

"Gryffindor won. Harry caught the snitch," Sirius managed to say lightly.

Severus didn't say anything. He just continued to brew. Sirius felt another a hotter flicker of anger lick his guts. Sirius was able to handle Severus' disdain and aloofness, if only because he consciously viewed it as a favour for Dumbledore. What was getting tiresome was the look on Harry's face whenever Severus was brought up. Sirius had been furious when Harry told him weeks ago that Severus hadn't spoken to him. It had taken two days for Sirius to talk himself out of his fury and speak to Severus calmly.

And when Sirius had spoken to Severus, taciturn and defensive as the man was, he had understood the loneliness and insecurity well. In fact, he had understood Severus in that moment more than he had understood any other person he had seen since leaving Azkaban. But they had had that talk, that understanding. Sirius knew Severus had spoken to Harry and invited him for tea and the fact that Severus was now jerking Harry around made Sirius furious.

"He would have liked to have seen you there," Sirius said after a moment. Severus still didn't look up.

"Harry and I are having Easter at 6:30 this Friday," Sirius said, his voice short and tight.

"I can't."

Sirius fought back another surge of frustration. There was no point in yelling. He was not sharp-spoken enough to best Severus Snape in a battle of words. He wasn't vain enough to think his entreaties could change his mind.

"You should," Sirius said. Sirius turned and walked out of the dungeon, but he could feel Severus' eyes on him as he did.

'He's going to start taking it personal, Severus."

Despite Sirius' words, over the next few days Severus thought of almost nothing but Dumbledore. His anxiety had made him almost revert to his old self: taciturn, curt. He had stopped writing his casual letters to Sirius and avoided returning to see Pauline. He had smiled at Harry in class, but hadn't gone out of the way to talk to the child. It wasn't intentional. He was just so used to be alone, to not factoring other people into his plans, that it didn't really occur to him to act any different.

"I think I found a formulation of Phoenix tears that would help to stall the progress, potentially for years," Severus said excitedly, pushing his breakfast around the plate.

"I wouldn't want to put Fawkes out," said Dumbledore vaguely. Severus looked at him sharply.

"You're not taking this seriously," snapped Severus. Severus wanted to wring Dumbledore's neck. Severus had barely slept for nights. Dumbledore just didn't care. He could leave Severus., leave everyone.

"I think you're taking that seriously enough for the both of us," Dumbledore said, still looking out over the students. Severus continued to scowl at him, after a long moment, Dumbledore sighed and looked at him.

"Severus, I am an old man," Dumbledore said, patting Severus on the arm. "I want to do the best with the time I have and see the people that I love happy."

"We are at war," said Severus, his lips starting to thin. The thought of Dumbledore dying made him furious. Dumbledore smiled,

"There will always be another war, another Voldemort. I've had a long, good life. I hope those I love have the same," said Dumbledore.

"Without you," Severus spat. Dumbledore turned around and gave Severus an odd look filled with deep affection and something else Severus couldn't identify.

"It was bound to happen eventually, Severus," Dumbledore said patting Severus on the arm.

"So you expect me to just let you die?" Severus asked lowly. That seemed to be asking far too much.

"Oh no. I appreciate your efforts and I hope you keep looking for a cure," Dumbledore said. "But you have your own life, Severus, and I want you to keep living it." Severus looked at Dumbledore's heavy eyes.

He thought of Pauline, Harry, even of Sirius. All the people he had ignored over the past few days due to his mania with helping Dumbledore and understood what he had to do.

Severus bought flowers at a bodega inside the Ministry. He had never done it before and, much to this florist's consternation, couldn't decide what he wanted.

"How badly did you screw-up?" the short, plump man finally asked in exasperation. Severus blinked at him for a moment.

"Medium-badly."

The florist waddled to the back and pulled out a bouquet filled with purple violets and white roses. "There."

He walked to the coffee shop where Pauline was just finishing up work and she regarded him with mild curiosity as he approached.

"Hi,' he said, awkwardly holding the flowers out towards her. She took them, but with an air of trepidation.

"Hi." Her voice wasn't cool, but it wasn't warm either.

"I'm sorry I've been in touch. I have a week at work that has just been -" he trailed off. "I'm sorry, but please don't take anything I've done as an indicator that I do not want to see you, because I do. Very much."

Pauline looked at him for a moment.

"I really don't like roller-coasters."

"Pardon."

"Any kind. I don't like the ones at fairs and I really don't like them in my relationships," Pauline said. "I like steady. Excitement is for books." Severus smiled.

"No one has ever accused me of being too exciting."

Pauline grinned.

The second thing he had to do was far more difficult as it required swallowing considerably more of his pride. He was sure he was going to choke on it.

He stood in front of the apartment, prickling with discomfort. On the other side of the door he could hear music and laughter. Knowing the discomfort wouldn't go away, Severus raised a fist and hesitantly knocked.

A moment later the door opened and Sirius, caught mid-laugh, lost his smile and stared at Severus in naked surprise. Severus cleared his throat and held out a bottle of wine, half-resentfully, half-as-an apology.

"Happy Easter," muttered Severus. A wide grin split over Sirius' face and he pulled the door open wider.

"Come on in." he said, clapping Severus on the shoulder.

Severus did. Remus and Harry were already in the living room playing Exploding Snap with Ron. In the kitchen, Severus could see Hermione stirring vegetables in a smoking pan. Feeling slightly awkward, Severus followed Sirius through the neat, little living room.

"Look who's here!" Sirius said. Everyone looked up at Severus, who felt even more uncomfortable. Remus smiled.

"Happy Easter, Severus," Remus said with his characteristic cordial behaviour. "Perfect timing actually, I have to go check on the ham, why don't you take over for me?"

Before Severus could comment, Remus got to his feet and strode into the kitchen, leaving Severus alone with Ron and Harry.

"OW!" Harry, Ron and Remus all jerked up at Remus' scream, which was quickly followed by Sirius' horrified apologies, and raced into the kitchen.

Remus was holding his hand under the running water. The steaming ham sat on the floor. Remus smiled at their worried faces.

"Sorry. All is well. Sirius decided to try an hurry the ham along a little bit and apparently forgot about basic physics!" Remus scowled at Sirius who blushed and handed Remus a small jar of burn cream.

"What happened?" asked Severus.

"I tried to use my wand to cook the ham. The pan conducted the heat, burned Remus." Severus looked from Sirius, to the ham on the ground, to the uncooked, half-prepared sides sitting on the counters.

"Do either of you actually know how to cook?" asked Severus. Remus, Sirius and Hermione all looked a little sheepish. Severus sighed.

"Move over," Severus said with an exasperated sigh.

With a quick efficiency learned from years of potion-making, Severus chopped, stewed and cooked the Easter dinner. Sirius and Ron, predictably, were completely useless in the kitchen and were relegated to the kitchen table to play chess. Remus and Hermione helped somewhat, but after Snape snarled at Remus for cutting the carrots too finely they too retired to the kitchen table to watch Sirius and Ron play chess.

Then it was just Harry and Severus, preparing the food almost in silence. Harry was a surprisingly good cook: careful, efficient. For some reason the boy's presence was causing something in Severus' chest to loosen.

"Ok put in the carrots, coconut, walnuts, pineapple and the raisins," said Severus, pushing forward the bowl of batter.

"Raisins, really?" Sirius said in disapproval from the kitchen grinned and Severus and poured the ingredients into the bowl of batter.

"You're the one who wanted a carrot cake," Severus said, mixing the fruit into the batter with quick efficiency.

"Well I wanted all the traditional dishes," Sirius whined looking at the cookbook. "I didn't know it involved raisins."

Severus rolled his eyes and caught Harry grinning at him out of the corner of his eye.

"You can have a cookie then.," Severus said. "Put in here. The oven is preheated." Harry obeyed. Everything was done. The kitchen smelled like cooked sugar and ham. Even Hermione was peering eagerly at the cooking.

Remus and Sirius dished the food out, and they all crammed around the much-to-small table. Sirius subtly observed Snape over the top of the ham. He could tell it was difficult for Severus to be there sitting at the kitchen with his elbows bashing into Remus'. The only reason he was enduring the discomfort was for Harry. For that reason alone, Sirius' heart warmed to the man as he responded stiffly to Remus' questions about potions.

The conversation grew. Remus got Severus talking about Wolfsbane. The children were talking about Quidditch. Sirius sat there silently watching. He never thought that he would have this, a loud family crowded around a kitchen table. He certainly didn't expect that crowd to include Severus Snape, and some Hogwarts first-years, but it felt right. When Sirius told Severus to stay for coffee and cake after dinner, he did so less out of allegiance to Dumbledore and more out of genuine affection.

Severus was not used to company, and despite the fact that he enjoyed the dinner more than he thought he would. He was more than happy to shoo everyone out of the wash the dishes.

"Thanks for all your help," Severus said with a small smile as Harry helped collect the plates. Ron and Hermione were in the kitchen cleaning up with Sirius and Remus, Harry easily could have been there too. Severus may not be have the best social skills, but he could see that the boy was trying to spend time with him.

"I like cooking," Harry said with a shrug. Severus bent down to fold up a blanket and could feel Harry's eyes on him, testing him out. Severus didn't blame him. He had been a touch unpredictable in his interactions with the child. Playing out his version own version of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde certainly wasn't going to improve their relationship.

"Where did you learn to cook?" Severus asked, settling on something neutral.

"I helped my Aunt," Harry said. Severus nodded. Silence followed.

"I'm sorry that I have not been available the past few weeks," said Severus. It was awkward apologizing to a student - though he was getting a lot of practice with Harry - and his voice came out stiff.

"It's alright," said Harry with another shrug. Severus was about to try to offer an explanation, soften the boy up when he spoke again.

"There's nothing happening on Thursday night," Harry said casually. "If you'd want to play chess again or something."

Severus had a pile of papers to mark, Slytherin progress reports to write for the end of the year not to mention that, if he ever wanted to marry Pauline in this world he really did need to set up another date with her. Plus, he had to find a way to save Dumbledore's life. Severus barely had time to feed himself, let alone spend time with Harry. He hesitated. Harry picked up on Severus' reluctance instantly.

"If you're less busy now, I mean. If you're not -," Harry said, starting to back-track, confused.

"No, I'm not too busy," Severus said. "Thursday would be great."

Harry beamed at him. The fact that he cared so much about a simple game of chess with Severus made Severus' heart chest tighten.

"Carrot cake is ready, raisins and all," Sirius said carrying in several plates from the kitchen.

The overabundance of food left them all sated and sleepy. Ron and Hermione were the first to leave at which point Sirius brought out the brandy and poured liberal glasses for himself. Remus and Severus. Harry got a soda and an extra slice of cake.

Sirius and Remus were chatting quietly about Quidditch while Severus listened and nodded. The night went on, the bottle of fire whiskey emptied and the fire crackled pleasantly. Severus was loathe to admit it, but it was almost pleasant, being full, a little buzzed listening to Remus and Sirius banter.

"Merlin, I ate way too much," Sirius said leaning back in his chair in front of the fire. Harry was fast asleep on the couch beside him. He looked more childlike than he ever had. It made The rusty mess that was Severus' heart stuttered, like a car attempting to come to life after years of neglect.

Sirius pulled a blanket off the back of the couch and covered Harry with it. His hand rested on Harry's messy mop of hair for a moment. He was so easy with the child, so natural, and it made Severus oddly jealous in a way he did not want to examine to closely.

"I think that's my cue to leave," Severus said, getting to his feet. Remus muttered his agreement and they both collected their coats and headed towards the floo.

"Goodnight," Remus said. "Happy Easter." He waved cheerfully and disappeared into a green mist. Severus wished he had gone first. Now, he and Sirius were alone together.

"Well it was a lovely evening," Severus said stiffly. "Goodnight." He hated how rooted his own self-protection was, that he couldn't even say 'thank you' or that he enjoyed an evening without feeling like he was letting someone see too much of his soul.

"Thank you for coming, Severus," Sirius said with such gravity that Severus turned around. "It meant a lot."

He tilted his head towards Harry.

"Yes…well…goodnight," Severus said, not knowing what else to say.

"Goodnight," Sirius said with a warm smile.

"Hogwarts. Snape's Quarters." As he jerked from fireplace-to-fireplace, Severus couldn't help but think that he had finally done something right.

Aside from searching high and low for a cure for Dumbledore, the next month of Severus' life was like a dream. He was busy - he had always kept busy - but for once in his life, he actually was truly busy because people wanted his time. He saw Pauline as much as he could, spent more time than he ever thought he would with Sirius and Remus and, every Thursday night, he made sure he was sitting in his quarters, waiting for the knock that announced Harry's presence.

The first Thursday Harry was shy:

"I'm not sure it's the right colour," said Harry sheepishly, holding up his potions vial. The potion was a darker blue than Severus would have hoped for, but it looked to be the right consistency and general colour. He smiled at Potter.

"It looks fine, Potter," Severus said, remembering Dumbledore's words and putting down his quill.

"How have you been?" asked Severus.

"Good," Harry said, brightening a little. "We have Quidditch practice with Ravenclaw tomorrow, so that should be cool. We get to scrimmage and stuff."

Severus smiled and Harry looked down to the feet that he was shuffling in between. He looked a little nervous again.

"Well I'll see you tonight, Potter. Does 7 work?" Harry brightened and nodded.  
The sheepishness that Harry had adopted around Severus, like he was unsure of his welcome, vanished after a few more visits. Now the child was happy to flop down on Severus' couch, eat a mountain of cookies and chatter away about his week, his friends, and a book he borrowed from Severus. Severus would never admit it, not even to Dumbledore, but there was something about Harry's ease and familiarity that touched something deep in Severus' heart. It made him feel needed, trusted, almost like a parent, and Severus too felt at ease.

"Then he said that he simply did not like Shakespeare and never would. I simply do not know what to do with that boy. His taste in his literature is simply abysmal. All he wants to read is that book Holes. Louis Sachar - you know the one," Severus said to Dumbledore one night over tea.

"Holes is a delightful book, Severus," Dumbledore said fondly.

"Yes. Yes." Severus snorted. "I suppose it is. He did say this amusing thing about how if had to dig Holes all day, he'd at least…" Severus stopped abruptly, noticing that Dumbledore was giving him a curious, soft smile.

"What?"

"Nothing," Dumbledore said, still smiling. "If he's so enamoured with Holes, give him the Westing Game. It's not Shakespeare, but perhaps it'll be a bridge."

"Hm, yes well, perhaps. It would be a shame if he consumed nothing but trash" Severus said. "He's quite smart, you know?"

There was a touch of pride in his voice. He didn't know where it came from. It's not like Harry was his to be proud of.

"Yes, I did know that," Dumbledore said with a smile. "And I'm sure you'll make sure he is not filling his head with trash."

Dumbledore put down his cup of tea. Severus couldn't help but notice the way his black hand shook as he set down the tea cup.

The skin around his wrist was turning a dark grey. The containment charms were starting to lose their efficacy. Severus hated himself in that moment. He had been spending time with Sirius, Harry, Pauline while Dumbledore died. If he wasn't so selfish, he would have found a cure by now.

He returned to his dungeons. He never should have left in the first place.

"What are you doing?" Sirius hours later asked from the door to the dungeons.

Severus frowned. He had spent hours trying and failing to successfully complete one step of a hundred for a potion that might, possibly, maybe, buy Dumbledore a few more months. He was not in a good mood.

"Brewing,' he said shortly.

"Well,, we are supposed to be drinking," Sirius said cheerfully. "A much more enjoyable activity, I may add. Also, what are you trying to do here? Find the cure for dragon-pox?"

Severus continued to chop the fig root, not looking up.

"Severus? Is everything alright?" Sirius asked, all of the sudden sounding concerned.

"Fine," Severus lied. All he had to worry about was that the man who had been more a mentor and Father than's Severus' biological father was about to die a slow painful death. "This is just important."

Severus could feel Sirius' eyes on him for a moment, then Sirius took off his outer robe and laid across a stool and rolled up his shirt sleeves.

"Alright, I'll help," Sirius said. He drew a shrivel-fig closer to him and started to slice it.

"What? What are you doing?" Severus said, looking with horror at the image of Sirius making himself at home at Severus' work-bench.

"Helping," Sirius said calmly. Severus continued to look skeptically at him. Sirius grinned. "I can chop, Severus."

Severus looked at him for another few moments then nodded.

"Very well," he grunted. "Just don't screw it up."

"I wouldn't dare," Sirius said, his eyes twinkling in a very Dumbledoresque way.

They worked in companionable silence for a while: chopping, peeling, simmering. Severus typically preferred to brew alone. Other people were tedious at the best of times, even more so when there were delicate potions around, potions Severus liked a very particular way. But Sirius was careful and competent and followed Severus' instructions cheerfully. If Severus thought about it, he may have concluded that Sirius was trying to humour him. '

"Let's take a break," Sirius said as a few of the potions started to simmer. Severus looked up indignantly.

"Come on, these two need to simmer and we need some food," Sirius said before Severus could protest. There was a logic in that. Plus, considering he had denied Sirius a night of drinking, the least he could do was feed the guy. Severus' stomach was starting to ache. They summoned house-elves and ate their dinner near the fire, talking quietly. It was almost nice.

"Why are you on campus?" Severus asked between bites of chicken.

"I've been helping Hagrid," Sirius said with a yawn. "I've been going stir-crazy, and there's something in the forest. It attacked one of the unicorns, tried to take its blood. So sad, seeing it all dead like that." Severus abruptly stopped eating.

"Unicorn blood," Severus said suddenly. Sirius returned his stare blankly.

"What of it?" Severus was already getting to his feet.

"Unicorn blood freely given is not cursed," Severus said. He felt shaky and agitated, as though he had just swallowed several cups of coffee. Sirius' eyes were hazy and thoughtful. He looked over at the healing potions he had tactfully not remarked on.

"But in order to get freely given unicorn blood you have to ask permission of the unicorn keeper," Sirius said after a moment. "If that is even a thing. Because no one has ever gotten close enough to see a unicorn keeper. This may just be the stuff of childhood stories."

Severus ran his long fingers around his mouth, considering. Aside from understanding the properties of unicorn by-products, Severus had little knowledge of unicorns themselves. He had been too old for unicorn stories by the time he fully entered the Wizarding world. His Mother only ever told him Muggle stories.

"Well then, what are the stories?" Severus asked. Sirius raised an eyebrow.

"Who needs the blood?" he asked shrewdly.

_In Loving Memory of Alan Rickman_

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	6. He's Mine

"Yeah man, he's mine and he'll always be  
The best thing that ever happened to me  
You can't turn it off like electricity  
I love him unconditionally  
I'll take the blame  
And claim him every time  
Yeah, y'all, he's mine  
I thank God, he's mine

\- Rodney Aikens "He's Mine"

Sirius and Severus sat deep in the Forbidden Forest, pouring sugar on the rosebushes, trying to lure a Unicorn to them. It was not going well.

"They like pure souls, don't they?" Sirius asked popping open a Butterbeer and handing it to Severus.

"Yes."

"Well, we're going to be here a while," muttered Sirius leaning back against the tree. Severus grunted in agreement.

"Why would he touch it?" Sirius asked after a long moment of silence. It was the fourth time he had asked the question in the last hour.

Dumbledore had always been a figure of admiration and wonder to him. Sirius had always been hot-heated, emotional. He tried to change that after Azkaban - hot-headedness had gotten him killed and thrown into prison and let Pettigrew live after all - and had always admired Dumbledore's cool, collected reserve.

"He was compelled to," Severus said finally.

Sirius was hunched over, his head in his hands. The dementors were angry.

Someone kneeled down beside him. Someone human. Maybe, finally, they were going to kill him. That someone put his hands on top of Sirius', who jumped at the contact.

He looked up, Dumbledore was inches from, his eyes heavy and serious.

"Sirius," he whispered, pained, still holding Sirius' face. "Sirius. My poor boy."

Sirius continued to stare blankly at Dumbledore. Not knowing what was happening nor completely trusting his own eyes.

"It's over," whispered Dumbledore, squeezing Sirius' hands and running his thumbs over Sirius' cheekbones at the same time. "It's over."

He hadn't been touched in so long. He barely remembered that it could be soothing. His lips started to tremble, and Dumbledore pulled him in a gentle hug, like Sirius was something to be protected.

Dumbledore had taken Sirius to his quarters in Hogwarts after that. After the dementors, Sirius was more a sickly, frightened animal than a man, and Dumbledore had treated him as such. He had washed the grime and dirt off of Sirius emaciated body, fed him spoonfuls of soups and stews, and put him into a dreamless sleep in the first bed he had seen in over a decade.

He didn't care that Sirius didn't speak for two days, that all he did was ravage food like a dog then lie in bed and stare at the ceiling, but on the third day, he forced Sirius out of bed. They walked through the grounds, past the lake, into the forest and back again. The sights, smells sounds of the castle that Sirius had once known so well soothed him, made him feel human.

"It's time to come back now, Sirius," Dumbledore had said kindly as they sat by the lake. "Do you think you can do that?"

"I don't know," Sirius whispered, speaking his first words since his release. Dumbledore nodded, accepting of this answer.

"Harry would like to meet you," Dumbledore said, three days later

Sirius laughed harshly. "That is a terrible idea." He started picking at the skin around his nails.

"I don't think so."

"I - Merlin - look at me. I'm - " Sirius trailed off, rocking slightly without realizing. Dumbledore covered Sirius' shaking hands with his, stopping the painful dig of nails into flesh.

"You're a kind man, a good man, a strong man. You will get through this," he said. "And Harry -"

"Is better off without me in his life," Sirius said adamantly.

"That's not true," Dumbledore said, just as firmly. In all of Sirius conversations with Dumbledore, the man had remained an impassive, awe-inspiring figure. He was loving, but detached, to intelligent to be rocked by things like emotions, but he was now.

"He needs you, Sirius." Sirius shook his head.

"Why would a child want with a barely-functional disaster 30 year old? I'll just make his life needlessly complicated. He has his family and - "

Dumbledore shook his head. Sirius stopped, frowning.

"What do you mean?"

"He needs you."

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked, a little hysterical now. Dumbledore tightened his grip on Sirius' hands.

"He needs you. There is no one else," Dumbledore said. "He needs to be loved, cared for, he needs someone who will always be there. He needs his Godfather."

Sirius put his head in hand, pulled at the roots of his hair and let out an almost dog-like howl of misery and pain.

"Look at me," Sirius said, his eyes filling with tears and pain. "LOOK AT ME. Do I look like a stable fucking influence to you?"

With the agility of a much younger man, Dumbledore moved to deal down before Sirius, who was practically hyperventilating.

"I know that you have been through a terrible ordeal. I know that you feel alone, that you are in incredible pain, that you feel incapable of dealing with life -"

"Feel incapable? Two days ago you fed me, you bathed me for Merlin's sake. I'm acting like a child not like a parent."  
"And look how far you've come. You're walking, talking, showering solo," Dumbledore said, a twinkle in his eye. He turned serious again. "I don't see a disaster when I look at you. I see a kind, wonderful, loving man who is strong enough to rebuild his life."

Reluctantly, Sirius raised his face from his hands. He looked at Dumbledore's kind, warm face for deception, but found none.

"You honestly think I can do this?" Sirius whispered. Considering he could barely get out of bed in the morning, he didn't see how he could.

"Yes. I do," Dumbledore said. "It will be hard, painful at times, exhausting certainly, but I know if you choose to do this, you can. But what I believe does not matter, what matters is how you see yourself. You have to decide."

Sirius looked up at Dumbledore, pale and scared. He wasn't sure what he believed

"He needs me?" Sirius whispered.

"Very much." Sirius remembered that beautiful dark-haired baby, the way James' face had instantly matured the moment he held him, the way Lily fussed over his every move, yet they still had Siirus over for dinner multiple times a week. He had been scared of losing his place in the Potter family when Harry game along, but he had been pulled closer. They had done right by him, always, and they had trusted him with what they loved the most.

"Alright," Sirius whispered, his gut cold. "I'll do it."

Fear licked his gut, but for the first time, so did something like purpose.

Dumbledore reached up and cupped his cheek.

"I'll be there, Sirius. I promise. For both you and Harry."

"Are you alright?" Severus asked, noticing how pale Sirius had gotten.

Sirius nodded. Severus looked down at his watch. "We should ask Hagrid about the Unicorns."

He checked his watch.

"Are you meeting Pauline," Sirius asked, smiling at him. Severus shrugged. "I'll finish here. You go."

"Are you sure?"

"Just make sure it's worth my time," Sirius said, throwing a wink towards him.

Severus rolled his eyes, but he did make the most of the evening.

"Ok, now, this is the best past," Pauline said putting one of her legs over Severus' lap. She peeled the wax paper from the vanilla cupcake and held it to his mouth. He could count her freckles. He took a bite, not taking his eyes off of her golden ones.

The cupcake was sweet and light, just like the entire day had been. She was teaching him how to bake, something he was surprising inexpert at considering his potions prowess.

"Next time, I'll make brownies," she said.

"You're going to make me fat." She threw her head back and laughed, a glorious, full-bellied laugh.

"You are ridiculous," Severus said, but he was smiling. "How about this weekend?"

She grinned.

Dumbledore was ill. Odd rumours about Voldemort and like were in the air. Yet, Severus felt something like peace.

He and Harry can broken through the veneer of awkward uncertainty that had held there relationship back. Now the child was content to throw himself on Severus' couch and dramatically recount his Quidditch practices or jabber on about History of Magic (A Wizard's History in brief had been a hit).

He and Pauline had another date, then another, then they were seeing each other multiple times a week. Severus was aware - sometimes uncomfortably - of her similarity to Lily. Both were frank, funny, smart, and both had that same, easy goodness that Severus found so alluring. But where Lily had fire and passion, Pauline had softness and patience.

Even Sirius, who was currently working with Severus to find unicorns, had added much needed laughter, frivolity, and companionship to Severus' life.

Severus had ideas in his youth and with diminishing frequently afterwards, that he might make something of his life. He hadn't stretched out under the trees with Lily as a child and imagined that he'd turn into a loathed, embittered, lonely teacher. He imagined greatness, joy, love. He didn't have those juvenile fantasies anymore, but some days - with Harry, Pauline, and Sirius -he felt like he was a version of himself that he actually liked.

xXx

"Professor Snape?" Harry said. It was another Thursday night and they were half-way through a plate of cookies and a chess game

"Hm?" said Snape, so focused the chess-board that he missed the uncharacteristic nervousness in Harry's voice. He was trying to find a play that would both teach Harry something and prevent him from winning at the same time. However noble Severus' objectives in teaching Harry chess may have been, Severus refused to lose.

"Do you know who Nicholas Flammel is?" asked Harry. Completely taken aback, Severus jerked his head up from the chess-board. Harry was not supposed to know about Nicholas Flammel. He returned Severus' stare with a wide-eyed innocent one. He didn't have all the information, just enough to ask questions. Which, in Severus' opinion, was far too much. Not wanting to give anything away, Severus cleared his throat.

"Doesn't sound familiar," Severus said. "Did you read about him in one of your books?" Harry shook his head.

"No, but I think maybe he could have something to do with that thing Fluffy is guarding," Harry said. Severus jerked his head up again. Harry met his gaze, looking a little frightened, but determined.

"How do you know about Fluffy?" asked Severus in a measured tone. Harry looked down.

"Potter, it is not your job to keep the school safe or to worry about Fluffy, alright?" Severus said sternly.

"But - "

"I assure you, everything is being carefully monitored. There is nothing for you to worry about," Severus said. "I don't want to hear about you nosing around this anymore, understood?"

Harry looked at Snape for a long moment, like wanted to protest, then nodded in agreement.

"Good. It's getting late. You should head back to Gryffindor tower," Snape said even though there was 45 minutes left until curfew. Harry looked a little put out, but quickly gathered his things then left. Severus waited until the boy had a 10 minute head start back to Gryffindor tower, than all but ran to Dumbledore's office.

"He's 11 years old. Merlin knows what he's gotten into his head!" Severus was now screaming full force at Dumbledore who was watching from his chair looking maddeningly impassive. It had been 20 minutes of this.

"The stone is well-protected Severus," Dumbledore said kindly.

"That's my point!" Snape yipped. "What if he tries to get past that dog? He already knows about it. What if he succeeds and then gets strangled by the Devil's Snare that would be waiting for him underneath!"

"Severus, I do not for a moment think Harry would seek that stone for himself," Dumbledore said, too serenely. He always had more faith in the children than Severus had. Harry might be good and noble and brave and all those things, but Severus could imagine only imagine the appeal that a magical stone providing eternal life and riches would have to an 11-year old who had lost his parents so young.

"You could talk to him, Severus. If you are so concerned."

Severus narrowed his eyes.

"This is about Potter's safety, not about your obsession with linking us together," Severus spat.

"My obsession with linking you two together has much to do with my thoughts about his safety," Dumbledore said, his voice flickering with annoyance. He sat forward

"I think it is possible - in fact I think it is likely - that Harry will have to face Voldemort again. I may be wrong, and I hope I am, but if I am not he will require certain skills, certain experiences that normal children do not have."

"He is a child," Severus said.

"Yes, and he deserves to be loved and protected like an ordinary child," Dumbledore said. "But I do not have the privilege of looking at Harry and simply loving him. I have to look at Harry and think about how he could will live past his 20th birthday, I have to consider how the Wizarding world will look on his 20th birthday. The most I can do is place him in the care of people I know love him, even though I know we will sometimes be at odds, and hope that way to give him protection today and in the future. My version of having a cake and eating it too."

"I don't love - "

"Don't do that," Dumbledore said. It was one of his rare harsh moments. "You may rail against the boy all you like when you mean what you say, but I won't hear a word of vitriol that you throw out there for your own self-protection."

Snape looked away from Dumbledore and stared at the wall. His heart was still beating too fast and too heart. Whatever he felt for Harry, made him irrationally angry overprotective. The thought of Harry facing Voldemort made Severus break out in a sweat. He did not enjoy these feelings. He rested his head in a hand.

"Love can be rather trying, can't it, Severus?" Dumbledore said cheerly, pushing a candy bowl towards him. "Sherbet lemon?"

Resentfully, Severus took one.

xXx

Severus reminded himself repeatedly that it was simple. He just had to figure out a way to keep one 11-year old away from the third floor. Considering he had manipulated Voldemort, this should be easy. Still, he couldn't figure out a strategy. Part of him wanted to yell at Harry, threaten him, make him so frightened that he wouldn't even consider going after the stone. The other part of him wanted to reassure the child, tell him gently and calmly to stay away, make him see reason.

Then - on occasion - he reminded himself that Harry might have no real interest in the stone. That he was just curious. He didn't believe it though. He kept going over and over strategy in his head as he patrolled the halls.

The children were asleep - or pretending to be - and the castle was quiet. Severus was alone. It was when he did his best thinking, what soothed his nerves, what made him feel whole when felt like less than a ghost and more like a human. It was almost a good thing Pauline had gotten sick and cancelled their date.

In a distant classroom, Severus heard the sound of voices. His lips thinned and he walked quietly to the classroom. The one bad thing about prowling the halls was that - inevitability - he had to deal with students who had snuck out to make out in empty classrooms, attempt illicit adventures or simply escape the dorms. If it was Potter looking for that bloody stone -

As Severus came closer, he realized that the voice he heard that was high and tearful. Severus stopped. Another crier.

With an aggrieved sigh and no small amount of trepidation, Severus pulled the door open. Quirrel was standing there, grabbing his head, sobbing.

"-get it - I'm sorry - I know I've failed - "

An odd hissing emanated from somewhere in the room. Severus stopped, dead. He had only one other time walked in on a colleague crying - Professor Sprout after she had to tell one of her students that her parents had died. Severus hadn't known what to say then, and he actually respected Pomona.

Get it.

Severus backed out of the room. Quirrel wanted to get something. It had to be the stone.  
Severus narrowed his eyes. He had to get it first. With a deep breath, he walked to the third floor corridor.

He may not be able to figure out how to talk to Harry, but he was gong to get that bloody stone.

xXx

Snape was gripped his leg, swearing under his voice. His door buzzed. He frowned. He had told Sirius to floo directly into his own quarters. He limped over to the front door and pulled it open.

"Potter, what are you doing here?"

"I-It's Thursday night, sir…" Harry trailed off. Snape had never explicitly said he would be out with Harry on Friday night. The man just happened to be in his apartment whenever Harry came by on Thursday. He thought it was an unspoken understanding, but Snape was probably just sick of him.

"Right" Snape muttered. "I apologize, Potter. An emergency came up. Perhaps we could play chess tomorrow night instead?"

Then Harry saw it, Snape's leg was gushing blood. Harry gasped in horror.

"Your leg, Professor!" Harry said, ignoring Snape's scowl. "You should go to the hospital wing!"

"I'm fine, Potter," Snape was definitely angry now. The fire glowed green behind Snape's shoulder. Sirius stepped out, looking anxious.

"Severus? I got your owl. Are you - " Sirius asked. He drew up short when he saw Harry. "Harry! What are you doing here, kiddo?"

"I came to see Snape. Look at his leg!" Harry said.

Sirius looked at Snape's leg and hissed in sympathy.

"Merlin, Severus, come on and sit down."

Snape was starting to look distinctly bad tempered.

"I'm fine," he snapped, but he allowed Sirius to wrap an arm around his waist and take some of his weight.

"I told you to stay away from that damn dog," Sirius snapped right back, leading Severs to a chair by the fire.

"Fluffy?" Harry asked, following them into his room. "You're trying to get to the Elixer of Life? Why?

'Potter, this really doesn't concern - OW!" Severus said, swearing loudly as Sirius severed the bottom of his bloody trousers.

"Sorry," Sirius said, conjuring bandages and pressing them against Severus' leg with a sympathetic hiss.

"That's pretty deep, Sev," he muttered. "Perhaps the hospital wing?"

Teeth clenched, Severus shook his head. Sirius seemed to expect this reaction because he summoned a bottle of disinfectant and start it to lav it over the open wound, getting a grunt of displeasure from Snape.

As Sirius continued to fuss over Severus' leg, Harry scanned the room. Severus' usually pristine dining room table was covered with papers and spell books.

Harry scanned the open recipe: unicorn blood, elixir of life and phoenix tears.

Frowning, he continued to read the introduction. A potion combing three ingredients: unicorn blood, phoenix tears and the elixir of life, can break any curse or bring a person back to life if administered before a single human tear was shed over the deceased. The potion is simple - add equal parts and stir - but obtaining the ingredients is nearly impossible.

"Why are you trying to brew this potion?" Harry asked. Sirius and Severus shared a dark look. "Does it have something to do with Dumbledore's hand? Is he dying?"

Severus couldn't help but think that the child was uncomfortably quick on the uptake.

Harry looked back at the book, continuing to scan the instructions.

"It says only children can contact the Unicorn Keeper," Harry said, looking up, excited. "I could do it. I could help."

Sirius smiled indulgently.

"Harry that's a lovely idea -"

"It's for Dumbledore right? And it must be serious if you're going through all this," Harry said stubborning.

Sirius' smiled dimmed, and he turned to Snape as though tapping him in. Snape cleared his throat.

"While Unicorns are generally gentle creatures, there are too many unknowns and the forest is to dangerous, and most importantly Potter, it is the job of the adults to do the protecting around here and it is your job to focus on your studies and Quidditch."

"But if I can help, I want to," Harry said. Sirius was already shaking his head as he sat down on the seat beside Harry.

"No -" Sirius said.

"But -"

"Harry I know Dumbledore is important you. He's important to all of us. I know you want to help him and that it part of what makes you such a great kid," Sirius said, extending his arm out along the back of the couch behind Harry. "But it's far too dangerous."

Harry found the statement annoyingly coddling instead of sweet. He was 11. Certainly he was old enough to help the war effort even a little bit. Who was Sirius to decide that Harry was not mature enough?

"Sirius is right, Harry," said Severus, as though he was ready Harry's mind. His eyes were dark and heavy as they regarded Harry. "There are other ways."

"Unicorns aren't dangerous. Snape said so himself in class!" protested Harry fervently.

"Professor Snape, Harry,' Sirius corrected quickly. "And this is not a discussion. I appreciate you want to help, but my decision is final. Now, please go to bed."

Sirius met Harry's angry eyes with calm, firm ones of his own. Sirius had never spoken to Harry like that before, like he was a stupid child who couldn't take care of himself. Harry felt a swell of resentment rise up inside of him. He had taken care of himself for years. Sirius had been so gone after Pettigrew and missed the first years of Harry's lives. The years when he actually had been a little kid who needed someone to tell him what to do.

He had never been angry for Sirius about it before, but he was irrationally angry about it now.

"I am going to go into the Forest," Harry said, jutting his chin out stubbornly. "And there is nothing that either of you can do to stop me."

"You watch your tone," Sirius said, just as stubborn.

They glared at one another. Without another word, Harry spun on his heel and stormed out of the room.

"That went well," Snape said sarcastically. Sirius scoffed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Did I really just say watch your tone?"

Severus laughed.

"God, I sound like Harry Potter Sr," Sirius said. He looked at the door. "Should I -"

"You did the right thing," Severus said. "He'll calm down."

"Maybe," Sirius said. He didn't sound convinced. He sighed.

"Hows you're leg? I need a beer. Are you seeing Pauline tonight?"

"She's sick."

"Hm, I wonder if a Potions master could do something about that?" Sirius said casually leaning back on his chair.

"Black, when are you going to stop interfering in my love life and get your own?"

Sirius grinned.

"I prefer the sort of love life that doesn't require advice."

"I'm sure you do," Severus muttered in response.

Still, Sirius' words stuck with him and, hours later, limping and feeling a little silly, Severus approached Pauline's house with sweating palms and chicken soup from the little deli a few blocks away. With a deep breath, he knocked on the door. After a moment, Pauline answered, fresh-faced, in her jeans and clearly not ill. She looked a little surprised to see him which, Severus thought vengefully, made sense considering she blew him off.

"You're not sick." She stepped out the door, looking a little abashed.

"If you want to break up with me, you can just end it," Severus said, the humiliation of standing there with soup was too stark.

"No," she said quickly. "No, it's not that. It's - "

"Momma," a small voice said suddenly. Severus looked down to the doorstop where a tiny two-year old in pink-footie pyjamas stared up at Severus and Pauline with golden eyes and a slim nose that most definitely came from Pauline. Completely startled, Severus blink at Pauline who gave him an uncomfortable sort of smile and turned to the little girl.

"Fiona, this is Mommy's - uhm - friend, Severus," Pauline said. "Severus this is my daughter, Fiona." Severus just blinked at her, still in shock.

"How'dyou do?" Fiona asked sweetly, her voice barely above a whisper. Severus cleared his voice.

"How do you do. Hello," he said. His voice had spiralled up several octaves. In his entire life he had never addressed a child so young. The odd mixture of formality and youth left him feeling quite wrong-footed. She just continued to stare expectantly at him.

"You go on inside, honey," Pauline said. "I'll be there in a moment."

"Story?" Fiona asked, blinking her big eyes.

"It's very late," Pauline said, pushing a strand of Fiona's hair behind her ear. "You go pick out a book and get into bed and we'll read half, ok?" Fiona nodded eagerly and bolted back into the house, presumably for the book.

"You have a daughter?" Severus finally managed to sputter out after the door closed. Then another thought. "Are you married?!"

"No!" she said quickly. "I mean yes I have a daughter, but no I am not married. Fi's father isn't - well he's not in the picture." Severus' mind was reeling so much that he didn't respond.

He had met Pauline at 22 in the Ghangzou would. She was 32 now. It was a 10 year difference that Severus hadn't considered at all until this moment.

"I'm sorry I didn't say anything," Pauline said, glancing back at the door. "I haven't really dated since Fi was born. I didn't really know what to say or what this was. I didn't handle this well. I never knew what the right time was, you know?" Severus' mouth was dry.

"You and have been spending so much time together, which I love. I really do. But I needed to spend a night with my daughter," she said. Severus cleared his throat.

"Right. Well I should let you get back to that then," he said. He backed away from the door.

"Sev-" she started, stepping forward. But it was too much. Severus turned on the spot and apparated back the gate at Hogwarts.

He closed his eyes. Pauline had a daughter. A daughter. What the hell was he supposed to do now? Where did he go from here? He was so shaken by there thoughts that he hadn't even noticed he had made it all the way back to castle to his dungeon.

Everything that had once seemed so right was now so complicated. It had been a dream, a foolish fantasy to think that either he or Pauline would be the same person after so many years. He was damaged. She had a child. Perhaps their time had passed.

He lay backwards in his bed, his leg hurt. He was confused about Pauline, worried about Harry. He closed his eyes against the plethora of unpleasant emotions and drifted off to an unpleasant sleep. Hours later he was woken by an insistent knocking. In his years of being a Head of House, that knock never boded well. He jumped to his feet and threw open the door. Hermione, frizzy-haired and panting, and a guilty-looking Ron stood facing him.

"Professor Snape, Harry's gone in to the Forest," Hermione said.

"What do you mean?" asked Snape, his gut starting to go cold.

"The unicorn blood - He thought if he asked the Centeurs - "

"He did WHAT?!" Severus asked causing Ron to jump. The sensitive, proud creatures would find a human asking them for the secrets of the Forest to be an impertinence.

"So..well..he went into the forest -"

"Fuck!" Snape was already getting to his feet.

Severus sprinted towards the Forest, not stopping to think, not feeling the pain in his leg. He was petrified. The one other time he had felt fear like this, Lily had died. He stumbled through the marsh, through the puddles, his wand out, calling Harry's name with unapologetic verve.

He heard hoofs, and stopped hoping they were unicorns. It wasn't. It was a centaur heard.

Immediately Severus bowed.

"Forgive my intrusion on to this land which you have authority over and which is sacred," he said. There was a silence from the heard, which Severus took positively.

"Why do you come here, human?"

"My - a child - a student from the school - I've been told he has gone into the Forest. I must retrieve him."

"You think we would allow harm to befall a child who enters our woods?" Bane asked his tail flicking in displeasure.

"I understand you provide protection to all children," said Severus. "But I must find him."

Bane snorted and tossed his head.

"As all humans - you believe your methods to be superior to ours."

"It is one thing to rebuff offence, Bane, it is another to actively seek it," said a white Centaur, younger-looking with a lean face. "His worry for his foal is natural and admirable."

Bane considered this for a moment.

"The child is unharmed. He is with the One."

"You - you took him to the Unicorn keeper?" said Severus, bewildered. What was this world? It was Banes turn to shrug.

"The One sees to the protection of all foals. I do not have the right to keep a human child from her, should he seek her counsel."

"Fine. Where is she?" The Centaurs laughed.

"As if we would reveal those secrets to you, human." Severus clenched his teeth together. He had genuine admiration and respect for the Centaur population, but the subservience was grating on his nerves.

"Please. I only want to find the student," Severus said, desperation swirling within him.

"Wait here," Bane said, already walking away. "Your child will come to no harm."

"Wait," Severus called as the herd followed Bane. "Where is he?"

The Centaurs laughed and continued to walk through the Forest. Severus was too scared too move further into the woods after Bane's command that he remain in place. Harry could be being brought here. Still, the thought of just standing, of doing nothing while Harry could be - Severus shrugged that thought off. They boy would be fine. He'd be fine. He'd be -

A white light shone from the depths of the forest.

"Who's there," Severus demanded, drawing his wand.

The light came closer, taking shape of a unicorn. There was another, then another. Severus straightened up. One of the unicorns had a limp, dark figure on his back. Harry. Severus ran towards him.

"Is he hurt?" Severus yelled. The unicorn knelt down and slid Harry off of his back.

"Harry!" Severus whispered, kneeling beside the child. Harry was breathing, and his colour was good. Severus half picked Harry up and rested the unconscious boy's body against his.

"Why is he unconscious? What's wrong with him?" demanded Severus, continually checking Harry's pulse. It throbbed reassuringly against Severus' fingers

"Humans cannot know where we dwell." The voice that spoke was high-pitched and lyrical. Severus whipped around from Harry's inert body to stare at the owner of the voice. A woman, frightfully beautiful stood behind the unicorns. Her floor-length hair and body were as pale as the moonlight behind her. The long, gossamer dress she worse was somehow both thick and incredibly light. She seemed to glow.

"He's cold." Severus ran his hand up and down Harry's arm. "Harry?"

"He'll be fine," she said, blinking her Globe like eyes. Severus shook his head. "I would never hurt a child."

Severus was hardly reassured. He cupped Harry's cheek. worried about the late night in the forest, about the fact that Harry was on the cold ground. Severus took his cloak off and laid it out over Harry.

"What did you do to him?" Severus demanded.

"A sleeping spell," she said blithely. "He'll wake in a few hours, unharmed."

"He's your child," the woman stated,

"No, he's not mine," Severus muttered, not focusing on the conversation. He tucked the coat more securely around Harry's shoulders. The moment he did, an array of lights started to emanate from Harry. Severus pulled his hands away.

"Hey!"

"That is his soul." she said, unconcerned with Severus' worry. She cocked her head to the side, considering. "It's a lovely soul. See this," she touched a gold stream that was piercing Harry's heart. Harry groaned.

"Stop," Severus said. All of the sudden, Severus started to glow as well. The gold thread piercing Harry's heart pierced his.

"See," she said seriously. "Love between a parent and child - it is the most pure form of love. Other loves pierce different parts of the body, glow different colours, glows weaker. But parental love - when it is real - only ever pierces the heart."

Severus tried to ignore the statement and focused instead on casting a diagnostic charm on Harry. Nothing glowed. Harry wasn't hurt. Severus relaxed slightly. The moment he did, he felt a burning nauseous feeling in the back of his throat. He hadn't realized how anxiety-riddled he was at the thought of Harry's being injured until that moment.

He touched Harry's cheek. It was cold as ice.

"Time to go home, Potter," Severus whispered, casting a featherweight charm on Harry and gently gathering him up in his arms.

"Your soul is curious."

"I'm sure," he said dryly, not wanting to discuss his mangled excuse for a soul with the notoriously judgemental unicorn-keeper,

"You are a good man," she said. Severus stopped and turned around. "You pretend not to be. I find that odd."

She kept blinking at him. Severus didn't know what to say to that.

"Uhm-" he started, distinctly wrong-footed when it was clear she wanted an explanation.

"This child has been mistreated," she said. "Children's souls are delicate. He's damaged." For some reason, Severus pulled Harry closer to him. The unicorn-keeper continued to stare at him with her unnerving, fixed glance.

"He's not damaged," Severus said, disliking the way she spoke about Harry like he was a piece of dropped fruit.

"Yes, he is," she said matter-of-factly. "This child loves you. Love is dangerous. I worry you will hurt this child."

Again Severus didn't know how to respond. Her forthrightness was confusing and awkward. Severus cleared his throat. He looked down to Harry's pale face and skewed glasses. He looked so young and vulnerable.

"I do too," Severus admitted softly.

"I'm quite fond of him."

"I am too," Severus said.

"Be careful with him," she said. "The blood you need is in the child's pocket," she said in her dreamy, lilting voice. Severus nodded, staring at her odd, glowing white body. He shifted Harry's weight and nodded at her.

"Thank you," said Severus. "Thank you very much."

"Albus Dumbledore has always been kind to the creatures of the forest," she said simply, her beautiful eyes radiating. Severus nodded and turned to walk out of the forest, boosting Harry further up.

As soon as they were out of sight. He shifted Harry so he could take the thin vial of blood and place it in his own pocket.

"You really should lay off the treacle tart," Severus whispered as they continued through the forest. Harry's head lolled onto his shoulder. In spite of himself and the weight he was carrying, Severus smiled and allowed Harry's head to rest on the crook of his neck. Severus opened the front door to Hogwarts and quietly walked through the dark halls to the cool dungeons where his own quarters were. Harry spent so much time in Snape's quarters that it hardly felt odd to Severus to carry the child inside.

He was about to lay Harry down on the couch, when he noticed that his apartment was completely different. There was a second door. It opened to a second bedroom Severus had never seen before. Severus frowned and walked inside still holding Harry.

The walls were a warm beige, there was a large bed covered by striped blue and brown duvet, a dresser with a mirror. On the side table, there was a framed photograph of Lily and a glass unicorn on the side table. Severus had no idea how it happened, but he knew who did it and who it was for.

"Alright, let's hope this isn't a hallucination," murmured Severus as he laid Harry out carefully on the bed. Harry didn't fall through the bed, which Severus took as a good sign. With a spin of his wand, he covered Harry with the thick duvet.

Harry smacked his lips and furrowed his brow in slight confusion.

"It's alright," Severus whispered, sitting on the bed beside Harry.

Harry was still so thin and undersized for his age. Now that Harry was safe, the unicorn keeper's words were running through his head. Damaged soul. I am worried you will hurt this child.

He felt himself swell with protectiveness and affection. He had been trying to deny it for so long, but it was painfully, unequivocally true: he loved Harry. He loved him with every bit of his poor, mangled heart, and he would do whatever it took to keep Harry safe, happy. Even if it meant changing his entire personality.

With a hesitant hand, he pushed Harry's fringe away.

"I'm going to figure this out, Harry," Severus whispered. He had no model, no father of his own, Harry was going to have everything - Severus would see to that.

Harry continued to sleep, oblivious. Severus smiled.

"Good talk," he whispered, his hand still resting on the unruly mop of hair.

Like an anxious parent watching a newborn, Severus watched Harry sleep for a few minutes, watching him breathe until he was sure enough that the breaths would continue that he could leave the room and floo Sirius.

Despite the fact that Severus started the conversation by telling Sirius that Harry was fine. The man floo'd through the fireplace in the middle of the conversation.

"Where is he?" Sirius asked. He was irate.

"He's sleeping." Severus nodded his head towards the second bedroom. Without another word Sirius shoved his way past Severus and threw open the door.

Harry was still fast asleep, looking small and sickly in the middle of the large bed.

"Merlin," Sirius said simply. He sat on the edge of Harry's bed and rested the back of his knuckles on Harry's cheek, defeated now instead of angry. "Are you sure he's alright? Should we call Poppy?"

"He's fine. Just a sleeping spell," Severus said.

"I told him not to do this," Sirius said. The anger was still clear in his voice. "I told him under no circumstances was he to go to into that bloody forest!"

"Welcome to parenthood. Potter isn't fond of the rules," Snape said dryly, both amused and sympathetic at Sirius.

"He could have been killed! And where were you? Aren't you supposed to be keeping an eye on the bloody students while they're here, Snape?" Snape arched an eyebrow at Sirius.

"I am the Slytherin Head of House, Black. I can't be everywhere at once."

Sirius muttered something in agreement. "I'm going to have a word with Dumbledore about the security, and Minerva and Ron and Hermione."

"Don't forget the Minister for Magic, he certainly should have done something," Severus said dryly. Sirius opened his mouth to respond than realized Severus was joking

"I'm sorry. You're sure it's nothing more than a sleeping spell?" Sirius asked finally, running an anxious hand through his hair.

"He's fine," Severus said, sinking down on the chair beside Harry's bed. "Unicorns are gentle. They simply didn't want their habitat revealed. He will wake soon." Sirius continued to stare at the sleeping child.

Severus flicked his wand at his kitchen cupboard and two glasses and a bottle of wine sailed through the air.

"I probably shouldn't," Sirius said, throwing a nervous look at Harry as Severus poured him a glass.

"If you are going to stay here and watch him all night anyways, might as well be comfortable." Sirius laughed and accepted the glass.

"Alright," he conceded."You don't mind me staying?"

Severus swirled his wand and a cot popped up beside Harry's bed.

"Damnit!" Sirius said aiming a kick at Harry's dresser. "Merlin, I haven't been this pissed off in a long time. I want to wake him up just so I can yell at him."

Severus smirked into his own glass of wine. One of the first unpleasant lessons he learned from teaching was that children one was responsible for had a unique ability to get under one's skin.

One his second week, he had tried an admittedly over-ambitious potion with his fifth-years to show that he was serious about the level of skill he wanted the class to attain. One student - Aurelia Huxley - had put in wrong kind of sugarcane, melted her cauldron and burned her thighs badly. Madame Pomfrey had been able to put her right, but the fear and guilt had enraged Severus for days.

"Do you regret agreeing to raise him?"

"What! No. Of course not," Sirius said. "I just want to throttle him a little right now is all."

"The only thing I regret is that I wasn't able to be there when he was younger," Sirius said. "I missed nine years of tucking him in, doing up his buttons and worrying about his poor decision making. I'd do anything to get those years back."

Emotion was starting to pull at Sirius' handsome face, making him seem decades older. He ran a hand though his hair.

"Why are you asking this?" Sirius asked suddenly, sounding irritable.

"Pauline has a daughter," Severus said. The moodiness evaporated off of Sirius' face, replaced by a pure shock.

"Wow," Sirius said, leaning back into his chair. "A daughter. How old?" Severus ran a hand through his hair.

"I don't really know. Around 2, I suppose," Severus said. A little smile played on Sirius' lips, but to his credit, he didn't laugh.

"2 is young," Sirius said, because stating the obvious was so helpful. Severus grunted in agreement. Harry shuffled a little in his sleep and Sirius immediately looked back to the bed,. Harry smacked his lips and started to snore lightly. Sirius' face softened.

"I don't know if I - " Severus trailed off not knowing how to say what he wanted to say. With a pang, he remembered Michael who never could or would exist. Severus pushed that thought away.l.

"When you decide a child is your responsibility, they become a part of you, whether or not they are biologically yours," Sirius said finally. "I think you already know that."

Severus looked over to where Harry was sleeping and remembered the gold threads surrounding his heart. He poured himself and Sirius another glass wine. Regardless of the fact that Harry was fine, neither he nor Sirius would be sleeping all night. That, Severus supposed, was what those gold threads meant.


End file.
